


A Family Definition

by somanyfeels



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Brief self harm ideations, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky and Natasha Invented Softness, But hugs instead, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Dynamics, Hurt Bruce, Hurt Tony, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Kid Bruce Banner, Kid Clint Barton, Kid Steve Rogers, Kid Tony Stark, Kleptomania, Past Child Abuse, Porn With Plot, Protective Bucky Barnes, The Foster System is Problematic, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-01-10 13:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12300423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanyfeels/pseuds/somanyfeels
Summary: Natasha would tell anyone who listened that she agreed to this mess because she was bored, because she hated how quiet the house was at times, but James' nightmares had become less frequent and the distractions would be welcomed.  Filling up their house a bit had sounded nice on paper but each child they took in made the house louder and more stressful, with a new set of complications to discover and plan for.  With the proper strategy Natasha had decided that fostering four difficult boys was just the sort of distraction she needed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just a domestic foster home au with a lot of fluff and angst planned. Sadly no smut in the first chapter.

Natasha stretched, her body leaning heavily against James’ as the slowly woke up.  She laid across his chest, her leg nestled between both of his, as she kissed the corner of his mouth.  James was a heavy sleeper.  He always woke up slowly.  She adored it.  She kissed his face softly, moving her hand up the smooth skin of his chest.

“Wake up baby. It’s Monday.  Our busy day.”  Natasha said as she tried to ease James into wakefulness.

“No.”  He mumbled, his arm stretching above his head before letting it drop to her hip.  His thumb brushed over the hem of her shorts and then he trailed his hand up her bare back.

“Yes babe.  It’s time to be awake.”  She said.  She gave him one last kiss before pulling back and sitting up.  It was still early, the sun peeking up over the trees and she pulled on a shirt and a robe.  “Only good dreams?”

James let out a soft hum and ran a hand over his face.  “Hm… yeah.”  He said.  Natasha smiled as his hand fell and he smiled at her. She turned to leave the room and start getting prepared.

James would always trail a few minutes behind her, giving her enough time to turn on the coffee pots and start breakfast.  Scrambled eggs were easy.  Toast was simple.  Bacon was delicious.  She got it all ready as James stumbled in and poured him a cup of coffee.  It wasn’t even done brewing, it dripped onto the hot plate and sizzled as he put the pot back.

“What time is it?”  He asked.

“Almost seven.  It’s almost time, are you ready?”

James chuckled and shook his head.  “Fuck no.  I was ready going off to war.  I’m not ready for this.  This is a disaster.”  He said.  He stared down at his mug and Natasha kept working on the eggs.  “We’re out numbered, you know.  Completely ill prepared.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.  Just go get the soldiers.”  Natasha said as she raised her spatula at him.

There was a short moment of silence before she heard the clink of James setting his mug on the counter and letting out a sigh.  The eggs were coming out nicely, fluffy and perfect.  She set out the plates. There was a method to it, a green plate got a scoop of eggs, jelly on toast, and a single piece of bacon.  The red plate got eggs and cheese, butter toast, and as much bacon as she allowed, which was three pieces.  The two blue plates got the eggs piled on top of their butter toast and bacon.  She finished setting them up when she heard the sound of feet on the stairs.

“Good morning boys.”  She said.  She went down the line pressing kisses to Clint’s, Steve’s, and Bruce’s forehead.  Giving them each their respective dish as they walked by her and she had Tony’s plate waiting for him by the time he stumbled in.  “Sit down boys, we don’t have time to waste today.  Hurry up and eat.”

James came back and grabbed his coffee mug, squinting his eyes at her as he took a long sip and got the mugs from the dish drainer.  The second coffee pot had decaf.  A few of their boys had come to them already with a taste for coffee but the caffeine wasn’t good for them.  It kept them up at night and that only made things worse.  They had grown accustomed to decaf at least.  Tony got his cat mug, Clint got the purple mug.  Bruce shook his head today.

“So it’s Monday, busy day, which means we need a battle plan and I would appreciate it if you boys behaved this time.  Tony, your and Bruce’s tutor will be by in an hour so try to do all of your work and if you make her cry this time then you’re grounded for a week.”  James said, pinning a look to the boy.

“I’m already grounded.”  Tony said, his face pinched as he took a sip of the pseudo coffee.

“Well fine, you’ll be extra grounded.”  James said.

Bruce smirked and stuck his tongue out at Tony, who immediately picked up his toast and held it high as if to throw it, before Natasha called out his name sharply and it fell back to his red plate.  Tony pouted, crossing his arms and pushing his plate away.  He had eaten all of his bacon and a few bites of eggs so Natasha would consider it the best he would do today.

“Alright, and Clint you’re not allowed to ‘forget’ about your meeting with Mr. Coulson today.  You know when you skip those we’re the ones who get in the most trouble.”  Natasha said.

“Aww, okay.  But if he tries to search my pockets again then I’m calling someone had filing a complaint. There’s like a hearing board right? Like someone who keeps their agents in line?  Because that’s unfair treatment.  He doesn’t do that to anyone else.”  Clint said, holding up his empty plate in a quiet request for more.  Tony pushed his mostly full plate over to him.

“You know why Clint.  If it bothers you so much you could just talk about your feelings with him.  That’s why he’s there.”  Natasha said.

Clint pouted.  “Lame.”

Bruce and Steve were usually quiet during breakfast.  It was still early and neither of them were morning people.  Almost none of their kids were morning people, but Tony and Clint suffered their morning grogginess by being loud and irritable while Bruce and Steve quietly frowned and ate their breakfast.  Natasha knew that if she let Clint and Tony drink regular coffee they might not be so angry in the mornings, but giving a fifteen year old and a nine year old coffee at seven in the morning didn’t feel right with her.  She would rather handle their attitudes.

When they finished eating they all darted back upstairs to get dressed.  Tony and Bruce stayed home for their private tutoring while Steve took half-day classes at the middle school and Clint went to the high school, though he had to have lunches with his guidance counselor.  Bruce and Tony came down the stairs in old t-shirts and jeans while Steve and Clint wore clothes that weren’t stained and looked somewhat decent.  Laundry day wasn’t until Wednesday and Natasha wasn’t as picky with what they wore to school anymore.

“Steve, don’t forget to go to the nurse to take your medicine at eleven and we’ll be by to pick you up after lunch.  Have a good day.”  She said.  Natasha hugged him and Clint close.  “Let’s not get into any fights today.  I’m an adult, I shouldn’t be at the principal’s office anymore.”

The boys wished her a good day and got into the car with James.  With half of the kids gone the house was significantly quieter and Natasha turned on the tv as soon as she stepped into the living room.  The toys were stacked in the broken toy boxes and Tony and Bruce only took a few of them before sitting, facing one another a few feet apart, on the carpet.  Tony had two of the toy robots and he talked softly to himself as he made them fight, Bruce liked the rubix cube.  When it was solved he would slide it to Tony, asking him to mess it up again.

“Can I have a juice box?”  Bruce asked.

“Yes, of course.  Would you like something to drink, Tony?”  She said.  Tony didn’t stop playing with his robots and instead wiggled a bit to turn his back to her.  He was always trouble but she smiled anyway.

She came back and handed Bruce his juice box, who happily began sipping, and held out a glass of water to Tony.  He reached up to it, his hand already reaching up to take it before he stopped and narrowed his eyes at it, tilting his head as if a different angle would change what he saw.

“Hey lady, that’s not a juice box.”  Tony said.

“You know, they told me you were too smart for your own good.”  She said.  Tony’s shoulders tensed and he sniffed and wiped his nose on his arm like he always did when he was angry.  “We had a deal, remember?  You have to finish your meals to get juice.  Besides, water is good for you.”

“You’re a bitch, lady.”  Tony said.  He said those things often and she would never get used to a nine year old calling her a bitch, but she also knew he didn’t even know what the word meant.  He just used words to hurt but people have said and done far worse things to her than this child ever could. She raised an eyebrow.

“And you’re not allowed to play with the toys anymore.  Go sit on the couch.”  Natasha said.

Bruce had stopped playing with his rubix cube and instead watched the two of them carefully.  He was waiting. It seemed like the kids were always waiting for something, for them to do something, and it likely scared them.  Natasha knew where her boys came from, she knew what had happened to bring them all to her, and she didn’t like how it made everything a test with them.

“I don’t want to sit on the couch.”  Tony said as he stood up and clutched his robots tightly.  “So what?”

She and James had plans for these things, because they couldn’t reach out and rip the toys from Tony’s hands, they couldn’t grab his arm and drag him to the corner, and they couldn’t even yell too loud.  Bruce had already backed away from them and was preparing to make a run for it.  She had a plan for this, a strategy to disarm the situation and she smiled softly as she crouched down to meet Tony eye to eye.

“Listen buddy, I know you’re mad, but you know the rule is that if you don’t eat you don’t get treats.  So now you can either drink your water while sitting on the couch quietly or I can go ahead and tell your friend Rhodey that you’re grounded and can’t go to his birthday party.”  She said softly.

There was a short moment of hesitation as Tony’s gaze stiffened and his bottom lip was ground between his teeth that she thought he wouldn’t listen, but then he tossed the toy robots onto the ground angrily and stomped his feet all the way to the couch.  He didn’t take his water but instead crossed his arms with a pout.

He would stay there until the tutor arrived.  Natasha smiled and crouched down in front of Bruce as well, taking the rubix cube and messing it up to make a new puzzle for him to solve.  She ran her fingers through his hair and walked to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast dishes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come. Each boy is different and Bucky and Natasha are ready to handle it. They're all nice boys, I promise. More soon with more details, though which child would you like the next chapter to focus on?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another happy domestic chapter. Natasha and her family. She loves her boys. Also the first bit of smut. I suck at smut by I figured I would practice with a loving and happy couple.

Bruce finished his juice and came into the kitchen to give the box back to Natasha.  She took it and brushed her fingers through his hair, smiling as he perked up at the gentle touch.  The house had quieted down with the two older boys at school and Tony sitting with his arms crossed and pouting on the couch.

“Thank you buddy.  Are you alright?”  She asked.  Bruce’s eyes were shiny and red.  He nodded, reaching up to wrap his hands into the fabric of her shirt.  “I’m sorry.  I know you hate it when people get mad, but I promise no matter how mad we get no one will get hurt.  He can play with you again later.”

Bruce didn’t let go of her shirt, but he pushed up on his toes to watch as she finished up the dishes.  She left the two pans soaking for James to scrub when he got home.  The living room was still in one piece when she came back, Tony was still pouting on the couch, kicking at the coffee table but not being able to reach that far.  Bruce followed her, waddling along with his hands clinging to her shirt.  He would stretch out the material, but her old pajama shirts didn’t need to be in the best condition.  She bent down to pick him up, but he grunted and shook his head.

“She coming?”  Bruce asked.

“Of course, sweetheart.  She’ll be here soon.  Are you all cleaned up and ready?”  Natasha asked.  Bruce smiled and nodded, pointing at his green lantern shirt that had ketchup stains on it that refused to come out.  “Ah, your favorite shirt.  You must be wanting to make a good impression today.”

“Uh huh.  Miss Foster said we did so good on our space diagrams that we get to talk about astrophysics instead of geology today.  I hate geology.”  Bruce said happily.

Tony was watching them, but he still had his lip ground between his teeth and his arms crossed tight.  Natasha wouldn’t let him out of time out until Jane arrived. It didn’t take long.  Less than fifteen minutes later and Jane knocked on the door, her bags full of activities and paperwork falling out of her arms.

“I’m not late, am I?”  She asked as she stumbled inside and set everything onto the ground.

“Well you’re actually early, compared to most days at least.”  Natasha said.

Bruce shouted and jumped up and down, his other hand grabbing onto Jane’s shirt and pulling hard.  Natasha didn’t waste time lifting him off the ground.  She might not care about her pajama shirt, but Jane wore a nice looking blouse that Natasha was sure she didn’t want ripped or ruined.

“Miss Foster, you look pretty today.”  Bruce said as he leaned over in Natasha’s arms.  “Can we talk about astrophysics today?  You did promise no geology.”

“Yeah, no geology.”  Tony shouted from the couch.

Jane laughed and nodded.  “Alright, no geology.”  She said as she looked at Bruce in Natasha’s arms and Tony sitting with is arms crossed on the couch.  “So how is today?”

She sighed, shifting Bruce higher on her hip.  “Bruce is having a good day today, he had juice and played a bit after breakfast.  Tony is having a bad day it seems.  We told him to be nice, but if he starts saying rude things just let us know and please don’t let it get to you.”

Tony stood up on the couch, his arms still crossed as he bounced lightly on the cushions and waited to be let out of his time out there.  Natasha smiled and set Bruce down, who practically skipped into the middle of the living room and sat cross-legged on the rug.  Natasha walked over to Tony, she didn’t have to crouch down much to be on his level because he was standing up on the cushions.

“Miss Foster is nice, you and Bruce both like her, so please be nice as well.  If you’re nice to her you can maybe have a snack after quiet time.”  Natasha said.  Tony’s pout got worse and he made a frustrated sound, but eventually nodded.

As he darted off to sit down on the rug by Bruce, Jane gave Natasha a thumbs up.  The kids would be fine for a few hours.  She went upstairs and went to run herself a warm shower.  She could already feel a headache forming in her temples.  She was grinding her teeth too much, clenching her jaw from stress and she needed to relax.

She tossed her pajamas onto the floor of her bathroom and stepped into the hot spray.  The room was already filling with steam, already the hot water on her body was releasing the tension from her shoulders, and already her headache was ebbing away.

“Steve said he loves you, but next time he doesn’t want the crusts on his peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”  James said as he stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door behind him.  “I neglected to tell him that I was the one who made the sandwiches today.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“I hate you.”  She said, shaking her head.

James never wasted a moment as he slipped out of his clothes and climbed into the shower with her.  “I know, but I would rather you make the sandwiches he doesn’t like than me.”

“He has to eat the crusts though.  A German study back in 2002 said that the crusts of bread have eight times the cancer fighting anti-oxidants than the rest of the bread.”  Natasha said.  She turned to look at him, smiling up as she pushed his shaggy hair back from his head.

“Right.  Of course.”  James said, nodding in agreement.

“You need to read more.”  Natasha said.

She pushed up on her toes and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.  He hummed, his hands squeezing her hips and pulling her close.  They didn’t have much time these days, besides moments like these where the two oldest were at school and the two younger ones were occupied.  At night they were tired and drained, but moments like these, where it was still early and they were awake and alone, they tried to take advantage of.

He picked her up, squeezing her hips and pulling her thighs until they were wrapping around his hips.  He smiled as he leaned against her and tried not to slip as he pressed her against the wall for extra support so he wouldn’t drop her.  She loved him, she adored the smile he kept on his face as he kissed her and how he softly nipped at her lips until she opened her mouth.  It was so warm, the hot water beating down on them as they pressed close together.

“Babe, we don’t have a lot of time.  Stop teasing.”  Natasha said.  She pulled back and her head tapped against the tiles. 

James pouted at her.  “You never let me tease you anymore.”  He said.  She reached down between them, feeling his hard cock that poked against her thighs as he shifted his weight.

“If, when all the kids go to bed, you’re in the mood to tease then I’ll let you do that to your hearts content.”  She said.  She missed that too.  She missed the foreplay, the way he smiled wide and happy when he got to kiss between her legs or lay on his back as she straddled him.  She was happy with this though.

James hummed as he pushed in, his hand stroking her hip and up her side as she leaned back against the wall and let herself sink down onto him.  Sex in the shower was always difficult.  It took some maneuvering, but it was far from the most uncomfortable place he had fucked her.  His hand was braced on her hip and he was moving his hips in small circles, but she knew she had to have more, she had to work for it.  One of her legs slid down and touched the ground by the tips of her toes, but that was enough.  She kept her other thigh wrapped around him and used her new bit of leverage to push herself up and sink back down on his cock.

James groaned as she did that.  “Fuck babe, always so impatient.”  He said, his hips snapping up and meeting her as she pushed down. 

“Would you rather lay down in the tub and let me ride you?  If this is too much for you I understand.”  She said.

Sinking down onto him felt amazing, he would slam up into her as she moved down and it pushed him so deep inside of her that she trembled.  She loved James, loved the feeling of his skin against her, touching every inch of her.

“You’re a bitch.”  He chuckled.

Natasha grimaced, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing, shaking her head.  “Don’t call me that.  Not right now.”  She said.  James paused, pulling back to look at her and nodding.

“Okay, but you gotta touch yourself now.  You know you need to.  I like hearing you when you do.”  James said.  He leaned in so his lips brushed against her cheek as he talked in a low voice, his words morphing into an old, abandoned accent.

Natasha hummed, leaning back against the shower wall and letting her hand move from James’ shoulder and over to touch her chest.  Her fingers trailed over her skin, moving slowly over her stomach until she slid them between her legs.  She felt James, her fingers brushing over his cock as it moved into her and she slid down onto it.  She rubbed her fingers in a small circle in time with their movements, massaging her clit as he fucked her.

She watched him, his arm holding tight to her hip and his back bent to keep holding her up.  This position was probably straining him, but his head tilted back and he let out the softest gasps for air as he pushed his hips up again and again.  He was a beautiful sight.

It wouldn’t be long now.  They had to be quick and she could feel her orgasm tightening in her stomach, building up in her muscles.  She gasped, her fingers moving faster and she tried to push herself up and down onto him desperately, unable to keep a good rhythm.  She needed him, she squeezed his shoulder, nails digging in with her free hand, and he leaned in, pinning her to the wall and moving frantically.

It was over almost as quickly as they got started.  They held each other, panting and giggling under the hot spray of the shower.  It was reminiscent of their first few times, secretly getting off in the locker rooms when no one was around.  Those were good memories.  Things were so simple then and although things were different and complicated now she was still happy.

“Let’s go get washed up and make sure the boys haven’t killed Jane yet.”  James said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such happiness. Now do you guys want more domestic fluff or would you like the tragic backstories of their boys? Or both? And which boy do I start with?


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha put on lotion fresh from the shower.  It an expensive one that James got her for their last anniversary, which he picked out solely because it cost more than ten dollars and smelled incredible.  It always left his skin soft and she loved his bright smile whenever he touched her.  James watched her rub it into her skin as he pulled on his shirt.

“Do you think the boys killed Jane yet?”  She asked, catching his gaze.

James paused to ponder before pulling on his sweatpants.  “No.  I think they’re fine.  They behaving?”

“Tony called me a ‘bitch’ but otherwise they’re okay.  He doesn’t mean it. Besides, he promised not to call Jane names.”  Natasha said.  She stood up and pressed a kiss to the corner of James’ mouth when his expression turned sour.

“He called you what?  Where did he learn that?”  James asked.

“Where do you think?”  She said.

James’s face twisted in anger, but he didn’t say anything else.  Once they were dressed and mostly dry they walked back downstairs, listening for any signs of distress or anger.  The boys were giggling.  A quick peek into the living room showed them holding big bouncy balls that looked like the planets.  Jane held one up and described it, massive size, distance from Earth, atmosphere, Natasha half listened to all of it.  When Jane was done she asked questions and whoever got it right she bounced the ball towards.  It was remarkable how smart these boys were, remembering the exact area of a planet and how far it was from the sun.

When they were done with all the balls they were given worksheets.  Bruce had better handwriting, Natasha could tell that just by glancing at their papers, but they both excelled at math.  Jane smiled, giving her a thumbs up as the boys got sucked into their math and didn’t even notice her getting up to walk up to them.

“They love space science so far.  I’ve just been giving them information on the solar system before we go bigger and they’re getting it almost instantly.  I think I’ll keep explaining space to them, because you know this is all still new, but I think tomorrow I can start teaching them about the celestial sphere and measuring objects through Astronomical units.  Just basic Astronomy at this point but they’ll love it.”  Jane said quickly.

Natasha nodded, she didn’t quite understand but she knew it was something exciting.  “If you think they’re ready for that.”  She said.

“I think they are definitely ready.  They’re brilliant.  We just need to work on their reading and writing, I’m worried Tony is falling behind with his writing but he refuses any help.  Bruce is doing well with his reading, but he’s having trouble pronouncing his vowels so we’ll need to work on that as well.”  She said.

Natasha smiled fondly.  She and James would have to help them during their homework time.  If these boys studied their English as much as they studied math and science then they would be unstoppable.  Bruce darted up with his completed worksheet and Tony sat with his turned over in front of him, waiting for a new one.  Jane went back to look them over and as they walked down the hallway they could already hear her praise over their work.

They still had a few hours before she would go pick Steve up from school, so they cleaned, making sure anything broken was thrown away and anything breakable was put up.  Despite how much of a mess things were it felt nice to get it all cleaned up.  They would never get the stains out of the carpet and somethings that had to be thrown out were irreplaceable, but physical things weren’t as important anymore.

“Tony has a meeting with Pepper tomorrow.  And Steve has his cardiologist appointment.  Which one do you want?”  James asked.

Natasha’s shoulders slumped and she sighed at the reminder.  “I thought the cardiologist was today?”  She said.

“No, the pulmonologist is today.  Cardiologist is tomorrow.  And Clint gets his letters today.  And Bruce has therapy and Tony has his nutritionist.  Now, the usual?”  James said.

Natasha hated doctors, they had an unspoken agreement that James would take the boys to medical doctors and Natasha would handle all the personal stuff.  Meetings with their case workers weren’t any easier, but they were more laid back than stiff and sterile doctor’s offices.  She would take Bruce to therapy, help Clint with his letters, and take Tony to his meeting.  James would handle all the doctors.

They finished picking up the upstairs of the house when it was time for James to pick Steve up from school and take him to his appointment.  Jane was packing up to leave, leaving the boys with their graded assignments and activity sheets to do for tomorrow.  Bruce rushed up happily, waving his up to her.  She didn’t understand half the things on his math homework, it almost seemed cruel to give her boys such complicated work while they were still so young.

“You know Miss Foster did research on cosmic anomalies at Oxford for a bit?  But when Oxford was created they didn’t teach calculus because it didn’t exist yet, but we have to study calculus now because she said so.”  Bruce said, holding up his math homework.

“I don’t follow your logic, but I believe you.”  James said.  He glanced at the worksheet with a frown before passing it to Natasha.

“My point is that I like chemistry and Tony likes physics but neither of us like calculus so we don’t want to do it anymore and Tony said we don’t have to because it’s stupid.”  Bruce said.

Natasha laughed, shaking her head.  Tony had stood up and was walking over to them with his arms full of papers.  “It’s true, lady.  I know more about it than you and it’s stupid.”

“If Miss Foster says you have to learn it than you have it.”  Natasha said.

“Well, she’s stupid too.”

“No, she’s not!”  Bruce shouted, his hands gripping his papers so tight the paper crinkled.

Natasha reached out to him, trying to pull the boy closer but Bruce was already angry, his face twisted into a deep frown as he stared at Tony.  She held his arm, running her hand up and down his back and James took a few steps closer to Tony, slowly and not getting close enough to touch.

“She is!”  Tony said firmly, his arms crossing tight around his chest.  “I said so.”

Before Natasha could snap at him to stop Bruce had pulled out of her grip, taken a single step closer to Tony and let his small fist slam into his face.  Bruce knocked Tony down with ease and tried to lung, but James yanked him from the ground and held Bruce to his chest.

“She’s not!  She’s not!” Bruce shouted again and again as James walked into the other rom with him.

It didn’t matter, when Bruce was angry he was fast and he hit hard.  Tony was sprawled out on the ground, completely still and in the position he had landed in when he was knocked down, staring up at the sky with tears forming in his eyes.

“Tony, sweetheart, can I pick you up?”  She asked.  Tony didn’t answer.  She sighed.  “I’m sorry.  I should have held him tighter so he couldn’t get you.  Are you okay?”

Tony still didn’t answer.  This was never good.  They tried to be careful, but when Bruce was angry he liked to hit and when Tony was touched he just got quiet.  She couldn’t even pick the poor boy up to comfort him.  The first time she had tried Tony had kicked and smacked at her, screaming until she let him go and then he cried quietly in the corner for hours.  Tony was so still, hardly moving.  Natasha wanted to stroke his hair.  She wanted to kiss his forehead and promise no one was going to hurt him.

His behaviors had been clearly described in his file.  They only had Tony for a few weeks and at first it took some adjusting, they had to fight the natural urge to reach out and touch.  Most of her boys thrived on having their heads patted or their shoulders squeezed.  It was hard to comfort a child who was terrified of any hand reaching out to him.  Even Bruce hadn’t been that bad when he first came, he knew the different between a fist ready to punch and a hand reaching out to stroke his hair.

She turned on music, soft but happy songs with uplifting beats and eventually Tony rolled over so his back was to her.  It was a small improvement.  She could hear James whispering in the kitchen and Bruce crying.  If there was any way she could comfort her boys she would do it, she wished she knew how to help Tony instead of sitting useless by his side and trying to play happy, calming music.

It was some time before James came back in with Bruce, eyes red and his hands clinging to James’ shirt, came back into the living room.  He looked down at Tony, curled up on his side and trembling, and then up at Natasha.

“Any luck?”  He asked.  Natasha shook her head.  James sighed, giving Bruce a look and nodding.

“Tony… I’m sorry I broke your rule.  I’m sorry I hit you.  I want to talk when you feel better.  Sorry.”  Bruce mumbled, his lower lip pushed out in a pout.

“Tony, do you want to walk upstairs and lay down for quiet time?”  Natasha asked.

Tony didn’t respond to any of them.  He just laid on his side and wrapped his arms tighter around his chest.  He wasn’t going to move from that spot and Natasha couldn’t pick him up to move him.  She grabbed the blanket off of the couch and carefully draped it over him while James went upstairs to lay Bruce down. Natasha sat down on the floor a few feet away, ready if he ever needed anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some interest for Tony and Bruce so here's a bit on them. More on Tony next chapter and then we'll do some on Bruce after that. With more Clint and Steve in both. They're a good family.
> 
> Anyway, feel free to comment as much as you want. Please.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people wanted Tony.

The day ended quietly, Clint came home with a good report from Phil and Natasha gave him the letters.  He spent the rest of the afternoon writing and working on his homework up in his room.  Steve’s medications were doing their job, the pulmonologist said he was breathing much clearer now.  Tony had stayed quiet and didn’t leave his room, only picking at his food during dinner and all the while Bruce was staring and crying.

She hoped things would settle down in the morning and for a while it did seem like things were going on as normal.  She kissed her boys good morning and told them all the plans for the day.  After they were all done with their classes they would be taken to their respective meetings or appointments.  Clint got out of school later than the rest so Natasha could pick him up on the way home.

“I want Bucky to take me.”  Tony said, stabbing at his waffle with his fork.  He had started to shred it up, but had only eaten a few bites.

“Sorry, buddy.  Maybe next week.  Today I already promised to take Steve to the doctor.”  James said.

Tony tossed his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter and crossed his arms.  “No, I want you to take me.  I hate Natasha.”  Tony said.  He kicked his feet out under the table and James opened his mouth to say something, but Tony shouted first.  “I’m going to tell my mom that you like Steve better.  Steve’s your favorite and it’s not fair!  I want Bucky to come with me this time.”

“Tony, if you’re really good for Tasha today then I’ll take you next week.  And maybe if you’re both good she’ll take you to go get treats when you’re both done.  But you have to be nice.”  James said.  Natasha glared at him, because now she knew both boys would ask every few minutes for a treat, wondering what it was and if they were good enough to have it.

Bruce had quickly stopped pouting and instead was clapping and nodding excitedly.  Tony just crossed his arms tighter but didn’t argue any further.  It was settled for now, Natasha smiled fondly as James leaned over and winked at Steve.  Hopefully today would be a good day.  Yesterday wasn’t the worst things had been but she definitely didn’t want a repeat.

James would clean the house while she was gone, Jane’s tutoring was scheduled for later in the day, and so she tried to usher the two younger boys upstairs to get them ready.  She ran the bath in the hallways bathroom and the bath in her and James’ private bathroom.  Tony would use the bathroom in the hallway, where she didn’t have to sit with him and worry about him getting ahold of any razors or anything he might get hurt with.  Bruce didn’t need as much supervision, and even if she did peek her head in to check on him he didn’t panic, so he went into Natasha’s bathroom and left the door cracked open.

Bruce played in the bath, he splashed and giggled and Natasha listened happily as she got her bag ready for a day out.  They had little experience with Tony and taking him for a day out, but she packed wet wipes, oreo snack packs, random toys, and anything else she might need to keep the boys occupied until they made it home later.  Bruce was still playing in the bath when Tony wandered in, clean but still dripping wet with his clean clothes sticking to him.

“Tony, you have to dry off before you put your clothes on.”  Natasha said.

Tony shook his head.  “No I don’t.  Shut up.”

It wasn’t a fight she wanted to start.  “Come on, let’s get you dry clothes.”  Natasha said.  She walked to the room Tony shared with Steve, pulling open a drawer and finding his neatly folded clothes.  “The outfit I picked out would have been adorable but this one will work as a backup.”

She put Tony’s dry outfit on the bed and asked him to change.  Tony looked at her, frowning as he started to pull his shirt over his head.  Natasha left the room and quickly closed the door to head back to her room.

Twenty minutes later and they were ready to go.  Tony’s hair was still dripping but at least his clothes were dry now.  They climbed into Natasha’s SUV, the vehicle stood too high from the ground for them to get in with ease so she helped Bruce climb up and get settled and stood by in case Tony asked for help, or in case he fell.

“Only ten minutes late, I’m impressed.”  Pepper said when Natasha finally got the boys upstairs and into her office.  The drive was relatively short.

“It’s a good day.  Tony only had to change his clothes once.”  Pepper said.

“And I was good.”  Bruce chimed in, waving at Pepper.

Tony kept his arms crossed, rocking back and forth and waiting.  Pepper was his case worker, the one in charge of his care and making sure he was okay.  Natasha had already told her about the incident yesterday.  It had been an argument, Bruce had apologized profusely, but it was never good when Tony shut down like he had.

Natasha held Bruce’s hand as they walked out of the room so the two of them could talk.  Pepper and Tony would talk in private for a bit without Natasha’s interference so he could feel free to talk openly.  Then he would have a visit with his parents, if they showed up this week, and then they could run off to Bruce’s therapy.

There was a park not far from the building.  It wasn’t that large, but it had a swing set and a few slides.  Bruce loved it, he rushed towards the swings and picked the one farthest up off of the ground.  It was still early and on a school day so the park was mostly deserted.  It was quiet.  Bruce kicked his feet, gaining the momentum he needed to start swinging back and forth, getting higher and higher until he was screaming in delight and shouting for Natasha’s attention, begging her to watch as he went back and forth.

He had no interest in the slides.  When they were done with the park they went back to the building.  Tony was already with his mother, who had showed up today for their scheduled meeting, and Pepper called Natasha and Bruce into her office.

“So Tony said he had an incidents yesterday?”  Pepper said as Bruce moved to play with the coloring books she had ready for him.

Natasha sighed.  “Tony called their tutor ‘stupid’ and Bruce rushed to defend her.  He sees his therapist later today to help with his anger, but something like this hasn’t happened in a while.  Bruce knows not to touch Tony.”  She said.  Bruce was too absorbed in coloring messily as he filled in the pictures in the book.  He looked perfectly happy.  “Things are better now that they’ve all gotten used to him.  They’re in the habit of giving him space and these incidents are farther apart.”

“Alright.  I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t something more serious than he was letting on.  He seemed tired today.  But there’s another issue that we need to discuss.  With Stane’s trial getting closer, Tony’s parents are insisting that they get their son back.”  Pepper said.  She looked down at the papers on her desk, searching for something or just avoiding Natasha’s gaze, it was hard to tell.

“What?  No!  You can’t let them take him.  After what they did.”  Natasha snapped and this time Bruce looked over to them with interest.  Pepper gave him a lollipop and he went back to his coloring pictures.

“They weren’t active participants in the abuse and that’s the angle they’re going with.”  She said.

“So they didn’t touch him and in their minds that means they didn’t hurt him?  They just starved and neglected their boy until the only interpersonal interaction he was getting was from the man who was his hands on him?”  Natasha broke off into an angry whisper.  She was worried she was going to start shouting and that would overwhelm Bruce too much.  “You can’t give him back to them.  They don’t deserve him.”

Pepper gave her a soft look and nodded.  “Well, they haven’t attended a single class or attempted to change their lifestyles in any way to give us a reason to put Tony back with them so we’re not going to.  But Mrs. Stark has informed me that if we don’t return her son they would be taking legal action, so I just wanted to warn you.  In case Tony begins to have more difficulties.”

Natasha closed her eyes and tilted her head back. Tony was still so new to them, still so scared and closed off from the rest of the family.  It had only been three short weeks since Pepper asked them to take care of this boy and there had been small bits of progress, but she needed more time.

“If there are more issues with him, I’ll let you know, but we will take care of him.”  She promised.  She would tell Tony that too once he was done seeing his mother, because Tony’s was hers now and she wanted him to know she would take care of him.

Tony was done not long after.  He and his mother didn’t have much to say, they never talked for long and they talked even less on the meetings his father managed to show up to.  He had his arms crossed and took the lollipop Pepper had set out for him and hid it in his pocket.  He didn’t talk much, just muttered a thank you to Pepper and climbed into his seat in the SUV without asking for help.

“Mama says I’m coming home soon.”  Tony said as they drove away to go to Bruce’s appointment.

Natasha glanced back in the mirror. “Do you want to?  You know, for as long as we’re allowed to, Bucky and I will take care of you.”

Tony stared out the window and kicked his feet against the back of her seat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has his appointments next. Then we'll talk about Clint and his letters and Steve and his everything. They're all nice boys, I promise. Natasha and James love their boys.
> 
> I will beg for comments.


	5. Chapter 5

Natasha held Bruce’s hand as his therapist crouched down to greet him, smiling softly as he ducked his head in shame and admitted that he hit Tony yesterday.  His therapist, Ronnie, was a nice young woman, smiling and willing to help him find a better outlet.  He reached out and took her hand and went off for his session, playing with squeeze toys and clay to get his energy out in a calmer manner.

They were allowed to stay for the session and Tony was allowed to play quietly on the other side of the room.  Natasha watched for a moment, Tony frowned at the blocks and at the dolls and picked up a toy racecar instead.  He preferred robots but there weren’t any here, nothing so hard and pointy that would hurt someone if it was thrown.  Tony was fine, just rolling the wheels of the car, and so she turned back to Bruce.

“He kept calling Miss Foster stupid.  She’s not stupid and he wouldn’t stop and I got mad.”  Bruce said, squishing the clay between his fingers.  “Tony doesn’t like being hit.  He gets all quiet when people touch him.  I’m not supposed to but I was mad and I wanted him to stop.”

Ronnie reached out and stroked his hair, helping him calm down so he didn’t work himself up as much.  “Did you talk to Tony about it?”  She asked.

“I wanted to, but he was all quiet and wouldn’t get up and I forgot what I wanted to say when he was feeling better.”  Bruce said as he shrugged.

“Well, you can start by telling him what you told me, that you don’t like it when he calls your friends stupid.  It’s a really mean word.  Make sure you tell him how you feel and ask him why he said that.  Maybe if you both knew how each other felt then it’ll help you both feel better.”  She said softly.

Bruce sighed loudly but started banging the clay sculpture against the table, squashing the shape and starting over again.  It was good to keep his hands busy, the boy always had so much energy and had such exciting ideas that sometimes he seemed to just shake with enthusiasm.  If he didn’t get an outlet for all that excitement then he might get overwhelmed.

“Anything else you want to talk about?”  Ronnie asked, handing Bruce a lump of purple clay to mix with the green he already had.

“Clint got another letter.  He writes his brother and sometimes I wanna ask if his brother knows my dad since they’re both in prison, but then I wonder why my dad doesn’t send letters like his brother does.  But my dad was really mean so I think that’s why he doesn’t write me and I’m kinda happy about that.  But then I realize that I’m mean like my dad was and I get sad again.”  Bruce said and this time he squashed the little clay man he had built against the table, tapping it into a mess of green and purple nothing.

“Bruce, you’re not mean.  Not like him.”  Natasha said softly.  She hated that.  She hated seeing her boy so worried about being something bad when he desperately wanted to be good.

Bruce shook his head. “But I hit Tony.  He was scared.”

“He wasn’t scared of you, sweetie. I promise.”  Natasha said.

“But I hit him, so he has to be scared of me.”  Bruce said, his face scrunching up and he shook his head.  “This is a feelings talk I have to have with Tony, isn’t it?”

Without waiting for an answer Bruce grabbed his wads of clay and stood up, walking to the corner to where Tony was sitting, wheels already broken off of the toy car in his hand.  He sat down a foot away and set the lumps of clay down in front of him.

“My dad hit me, and I was really scared a lot, and then I was really angry so now sometimes when I get mad I hit people but I don’t want to.  I’m sorry I hit you.”  Bruce said all in one breath.  If the conversations wasn’t as serious Natasha might have smiled.  There was no small talk with most of her boys, no dancing around the issue, they either talked or they didn’t.

“What about your mom?”  Tony asked.

“She died.”

“Oh.  Was she nice?”  Tony said.

Bruce nodded.  “Yeah, really nice.  Anyway, I’m sorry I hit you.  I know you don’t like people touching you and that’s your rule.  But since I told you why I sometimes hit when I get mad can you tell me why you get scared all the time.  You don’t have to.”

Tony narrowed his eye, crossed his arms, and glared at the two women who watched a few yards away.  He huffed softly before looking back at Bruce.  “Touching’s bad.”

“All touching or just hitting?”  Bruce said.

“Yeah, all touching.  If it’s not bad then it’ll turn into something bad.  So yeah, all touching.  Obie touched all the time and it always turned bad.”  Tony said.

“Your parents didn’t have bad touches though.  Right?  Unless they hit you?”  Bruce said.

Tony shook his head.  “Nah, they didn’t touch me at all.  They were too busy and got mad if I bothered them too much.  And Obie didn’t hit either.”

“Oh.”  Bruce said, wrinkling his nose.

Natasha watched patiently, wondering if she should cut in or not.  Certainly this conversation was too heavy for two nine year olds, but they were talking about such scary parts of their lives with the ease only children could do.  Ronnie didn’t cut in either.  They were technically talking about their feelings.  That had to be a good thing.  She would definitely take them to get ice cream after this.  They needed a treat.

“Sometimes touches are okay.  Bucky can pick me up with one hand and put me on his shoulders and Natasha always pets my hair and kisses my forehead.  That’s nice.”  Bruce said.  He offered half of his clay to Tony, the boy took it and started squeezing it.

“Nope, it’ll turn bad.  You’ll see.  Kisses aren’t ever good and if they pick you up it’s extra scary.”  Tony said with a slight shake to his head.

“No, with Bucky and Tasha it’s okay.  I’ve been with them for months and they’ve never hit me.  So maybe it’s just your Obie that’s bad.  But he’s gone now, right?”  Bruce said.

“I don’t know.”  Tony said.

The boys kept talking.  They built little things out of their shared clay and Ronnie whispered reassurances that this was okay.  Bruce was trying to talk out his feelings instead of getting overwhelmed by emotion.  He was talking to Tony about scary things without getting sad or angry.  He was asking Tony about his feelings.  By the therapist’s perspective, this was progress.  Natasha hated hearing about all the bad things that happened to her boys, but if talking made them feel better then she would listen to whatever they had to say.

The session ended and they got to put their shared lumps of clay in ziplock baggies to take home.  The green clay mixed with the purple had made a hideous blend of colors that didn’t seem at all appealing, but the boys happily waved their bags around as if they were the best prizes to get.  Tony insisted that his share was bigger, and Bruce just shook his head and said it was his clay first.

They got ice cream cones on the way home, which was technically a mistake since both of her little boys were covered in it by the time they got home.  It had melted all over them and turned them into a sticky mess, but the boys giggled and darted inside.  They would need baths again before Jane came.

She had the boys sit at the kitchen table to finish their ice cream before she sent them upstairs.  Their faces were a mess and they both smiled as they ate.  They both seemed so happy.

“Hey Tony.  Be nice to Miss Foster today please?  I get mad when you’re mean to her, but I won’t hit you anymore.  I don’t want to hit.”  Bruce said.

“Okay.  But if I’m mean you gotta tell me.  I’m just mean a lot and I can’t help it.”  Tony said.

Bruce smiled big and nodded.  “Okay cool.  I promise not to hit you anymore.”

Tony seemed satisfied, beaming over to Bruce as they shared smiles and nods and just ate as much ice cream as they could fit into their mouths before munching on the cone.  They might have to skip quiet time today.  She didn’t care that so much sugar would have these boys bouncing off the walls.  They were happy.  It was a good day.

They finished their snack and fan upstairs for their bath.  Tony went to the hallway bathroom and Bruce went to Natasha’s.  She ran the water in both, making sure Tony had what he needed before she left him alone to get himself clean.  Bruce was humming, asking for bubbles in his bath and she agreed.  When she poured it in he rushed up and hugged her.

“Thank you.  And don’t worry Tasha, Tony will realize you’re nice.  I think he likes me so I’ll put a good word in for you.”  He said.

“Thank you Bruce.  I’m glad you two are friends.”  She said.  When the bath was ready she left the door cracked.  She could hear Bruce giggling as he splashed in the water.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A yes, a chapter full of sibling bonding and a child's inability to not share everything. Good things. Happy family.  
> Up next, Clint is the only person who knows a nice person in prison. His baby brothers love that.
> 
> I will beg for comments.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm updating every day but it feels good to be back in old writing habits. Consider this my writing inktober project and maybe my NaNoWriMo project depending on how long this goes on for.

The boys finished their bathes and Natasha grinned ear to ear when James came home and started dinner.  Steve’s cardiologist had said things weren’t worse, which was technically good news even though his heart wasn’t better yet either.  It smelled good.

“Is it here?”  Clint asked as he burst through the door and threw his backpack into the corner.

“Maybe, I’ll have to check but I’m sure I would check faster if you let me have Coulson’s report.”  James said.

Clint sighed and went to collect his backpack, digging through it until he handed them a memo from the high school’s guidance counselor.  Clint had a surplus of pencils todays, both traditional and mechanical, of a variety of colors, and refused to say where he got the twenty two pencils from.  Either than that, there were no other reports of anything stolen and Clint was well behaved the rest of the school day.  Natasha smiled softly as James laughed and handed her the paper, signed and dated by Coulson himself.

“Mail is over there.  You know the rules.”  She said, pointing at the small stack of envelopes next to the sink.

Every week the letters came, and Natasha didn’t mind them.  Barney Barton wasn’t a violent offender, he was a thief.  He was the only family Clint had and those letters made her boy’s face light up and so she let him write back.  Every week.  Her only rule was that she got to keep the letters Barney sent in a lockbox.  Clint would be the only one with the key, but in case anything happened she wanted that box.  There was never a time she felt tempted to read them.  They were Clint’s.

He found his letter and ripped it open, wandering to the living room where Jane was having the boys work on their writing.  They traced letters and practiced them.  Bruce was improving, Tony wasn’t.  His letters were too shaky and lopsided.  Perhaps later they could get Clint to help him practice, get the boys to bond some.

It didn’t seem like a very long letter.  Every few minutes Natasha would poke her head out and check on her boys, Steve had his feet up on Clint’s lap at this point and scribbled in his notebook and Cint read and reread his letter.  Jane was finishing up with the younger ones.

“He stole twenty two pencils.”  She said, chuckling as she came back to the kitchen.

“No one even noticed.  It could have been worse.”  James said.  He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek as she kept laughing.  “Hey, remember when Coulson had to call us to the school because somehow Clint managed to get forty different shoelaces.”

It was alright.  Clint was getting better at impulse control.  He stole a lot of small things instead of a lot of big things like he used to do.  There were things he didn’t even need. Can openers, printer ink, paperclips, packs of cigarettes, hats, shoes, and once he had even gotten an old sewing machine.  Sometimes he kept the small things hidden in a box under his bed.  The bigger things were difficult to hide.  There hadn’t been a lot of big things the past few months.

“We need to talk?”  Natasha said.  She watched as James poured a can of green beans into a pot.  He hummed softly.  “I talked to Pepper today.  Tony’s parents are sueing the agency to try and get Tony back.  You know instead of going to the classes and learning from their mistakes to try and better themselves as parents.”

James turned on her, eyes wide.  “They can do that?”  He asked.

“They can certainly try.  They won’t get him though.  I’ll kill them if I have to.”  Natasha said, chuckling softly.

It was a joke.  James knew it was a joke.  But they would never get Tony back as long as they held on to the behaviors that hurt him in the first place.  James was pouting.  He stirred the vegetables and didn’t look up until for some time.  She didn’t want him to think so much about it.  She wanted him to relax and smile, they were still a family and their boys were safe.

“Get the kids.  It’s dinner time.”  James said.

He set the table as Natasha called the boys in and they all came rushing.  Clint had shoved his letter into his pocket and took his spot next to Natasha.  Steve always wanted a spot near James.  The younger boys seemed perfectly happy sitting side by side.

“So, you seem happy.”  Natasha said. Clint was smiling around his fork.

“Barney might get out soon.  He’s eligible for parole.”  Clint said.  He paused for a moment, looking around the kitchen before continuing.  “If he does get out…do you think that maybe he could, I don’t know, come visit?  He wants to meet my new little brothers, and I promise he’ll be good, and Bruce has a lot of questions.”

“I do Tasha!”  Bruce chimed in.

Natasha looked to James, raising an eyebrow.  He was pouting, his eyebrows furrowed, and it was hard to tell if he was bothered about Tony or about the possibility that Clint’s brother was getting out of prison and wanting to come visit.

“What kind of questions?”  James asked.

“Oh!  Did he get the striped outfits?  What did he do?  Clint said he stole stuff, but Clint steals stuff all the time and doesn’t get in as much trouble.  If he’s Clint’s big brother does that make him my big brother too?  Is he nice?  How much older is he?”  Bruce started.

“You have a lot of questions.”  James said.

Bruce nodded.  “Miss Foster says I ask a lot of questions because I’m a scientist.  She says she likes it when I talk.”

“That’s because you never used to.”  Steve said.  Everyone nodded and ate as Tony watched curiously.

“Well, if he gets out and if he promises to behave, I don’t see why he can’t come over for dinner.”  James said with a soft smile.

“With the condition of constant supervision, of course.  And we might have to talk it over first with your case worker.  But we’ll try.”  Natasha said.

Clint grinned and spewed a litany of ‘thank you’s to them before shoving chicken into his mouth.  Bruce was bouncing in his seat excitedly.  It was probably a big mistake, but it felt wrong to keep Clint from his brother.  What was likely going to happen was that there would be an evaluation, Clint would get to see him in a controlled setting a few times, until Barney was cleared by his parole officer and Clint’s case worker to visit him at home.  Still, it had been two years, the entire time since they’ve had Clint, since the two brothers had seen each other.

Natasha had a soft spot for Clint, she said she didn’t have favorites and that was the truth, but Clint was special in his own way.  He grinned with all of his teeth and he was always kind and even funny, even when he was stressed.  She loved that.

He was a nice boy, reaching over and pointing at the piece of chicken Tony was pushing around on his plate.  “You gotta eat man, if you lose any more weight they’ll have to stick you in the hospital.”  He said.

“No I won’t.”  Tony said.

“Yeah they will.  And they’ll poke and prod you because they’re doctors.  And you’ll get the grossest hospital food that you’ll beg to be back home where the food is actually good.”  Clint said.

Tony pouted, biting his lower lip and looking down at his plate.  “It’s not gonna be bad is it?”

Steve laughed.  “It’s not poison if that’s what you’re asking.  It’s perfectly healthy and good.”

Natasha frowned, because that’s probably not what Tony meant at all.  He poked at his food again and pushed it around with his fork again.

“Hey, it’s perfectly safe.”  Clint said, taking a large bite and smiling.

Tony hesitated a moment before mimicking him.  He lifted a forkful of chicken up to his mouth and chewed slowly.  Dinner was delicious.  One day they could all sit around this table and eat good food without issues.  There would be no fear or worry, just her and her happy boys.  It couldn’t come soon enough.

Once dinner was done they all went upstairs.  Steve and Tony to one room and Bruce and Clint to another.  Natasha went to go put her pajamas on, watching James quietly as she changed.  He looked angry.  His body was tense and he leaned too far to the right as he pulled his arm through the hole of his shirt.  If she was to ask he would just say he was feeling off balanced today, he would blame his injury, he would deny the fact that he felt the loss of his left arm the most when he wanted to punch something.

“Is it Tony or Clint?”  She asked, sitting down on the bed.

James glared at her.  “Why do you always think something is wrong?”

“Instinct?”

He sighed, reaching up and combing his fingers through his tangled up hair.  “If they take Tony you know what’ll happen right?  They’ll do a shit job taking care of him like they already had, they won’t give him the attention and care that he needs, and sooner or later he’s going to end up dead.  I don’t even want to think about how.”  He said quickly.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing they’re not getting Tony back.  They can’t handle a kid.”  She said.  

Natasha had only met the Stark’s in passing.  She had heard Tony talk about them and she had read the case file.  The nicest thing to say about them were that they were neglectful.  They couldn’t handle a child who needed constant attention and so they gave him none.  They separated him from the world and didn’t have the time to hold him, tuck him in at night, or kiss his forehead. The only person to do that, give him what should have been innocent physical affection, had twisted it for him.  Tony’s parents would ruin him if they got him back.

“They got money, Tash.  Lawyers and everything.  What if they do?”  James asked.

“They won’t.”  She said and she shook her head.  “What’s a more pressing issue is Clint’s brother.  Clint’s still having problems, would letting Barney come visit in our home be a mistake? It’s not too late to end it.”

“Clint’s problems aren’t because of Barney though.  Sure, they both steal, but Barney did it out of necessity and Clint has a disorder.  He has impulse control issues.  Maybe his brother could help.” James said.

Natasha wasn’t entirely sure, but they had a while to figure it all out.  They had time to help their boys, help get them in good places, before anything had to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, family issues. Don't people just love family dynamics such as bad parents and troubled brothers trying to get back into people's lives. What's the worst that could happen though?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. I work 8 hours a day and my coworker asked me to cover 2 hours of her shift so she could go to a thing and then she never came back so I ended up working from 7am to 11pm so not my fault.

He didn’t get to do this often.  Not with four rowdy boys and an endless series of appointments and meetings for them and for himself.  Bucky didn’t get the time to just enjoy Natasha like this, to kiss the inside of her thighs and have her legs hiked up over his shoulders.  She hummed softly as he leaned in and pressed a kiss at her hip and another and another until he found what he wanted.

She hummed again, her fingers carding through his hair as he licked.  After so long with her and spending every moment loving her he had begun to think she tasted sweet between her legs.  The sounds she made were sweet and sank into him and made him relax further onto the bed.

“You just like being a tease.”  Natasha said softly.  He licked again, rubbing the flat of his tongue against that little nub and feeling her body vibrate, her legs tensing around him.  “You haven’t shaved in a while.  Your beard is scratchy.”

“Do you want me to shave it?”  He asked, pulling back just a bit and smiling up at her.

“Please.”  She said.

Bucky laughed, shaking his head.  “I don’t love you that much, dear.”  He said.

He moved back in.  Despite her words, which he felt no real weight to, she loved it.  She sighed as her body relaxed further against the pillows, she loved having him here between her legs, her hums and gasps were beautiful and so addicting that Bucky wondered what he did to deserve this.  He licked her, rubbing his tongue against her and each tremor he felt move through her body and the way she pushed her hips back against him made him want more.  He needed nothing else than to know he was making her feel good.

“Keep going.” She said. Her voice was so soft and breathy that it was barely louder than a whisper, but he pressed his lips against her and sucked along the skin until she let out a louder, more demanding moan.

The knock on the door broke the mood so fast he jerked away from her and nearly fell off the bed.  Natasha pouted, rolling her eyes at him as she quickly pulled her pajama shorts back on walked to the door.  Bucky sat up on the bed, adjusting himself in his pajamas before crossing his arms and waiting, watching patiently as Natasha opened the door.

“Steve, sweetie.  It’s late.  You should be asleep.”  Natasha said softly, reaching out and brushing his hair off of his forehead.

“Tony’s crying again.”  Steve said.  He reached up and rubbed her eyes, leaning into Nat’s touch.  He was barely awake, swaying on his feet and looking up at her with hooded eyes.

Bucky laid back on the bed, knowing that they were done for the night.  He wasn’t mad.  “Alright. Come here Steve. You want some cocoa while Tasha goes to check on him?”

Steve nodded, smiling as Natasha kissed the top of his head and walked away down the hall.  Bucky wasn’t in the mood anymore, he was just tired and he knew that he should probably go to sleep soon anyway.  They boys would all be up early.  A few quick mugs of cocoa and they would all have to be back in bed.

Bucky walked over and Steve took his hand as they made their way downstairs to the kitchen.  He flicked on the light and hit the power button for the kettle as he grabbed the packets of instant cocoa.  Steve had pushed himself up to sit on the counter, kicking his feet and looking about ready to pass out and fall off the counter.  Bucky smiled to himself.

“Thank you for coming to get us.  You did the right thing.”  Bucky said.  He handed over the hot mug to Steve and leaned against the counter as he reached out for his own.  “I know you miss having your own room, but I really appreciate you looking out for him.  Things will be easier soon.”

“No it won’t.  He’ll cry and he’ll be mad and you can’t even hold him to get him to feel better.  He’s like a baby.”  Steve said.

“I know it seems like it, you’re thirteen and he’s nine and he’s having some problems right now, so it does seem like he’s a baby to you.  That’s why we have to be here to take care of him.  Just don’t call him a baby to his face.  He’ll get upset.”  Bucky said.

Steve pouted and nodded and continued to sip his cocoa.  “I don’t want you to think I hate him, so don’t think that.  I don’t want him to think we hate him, because we want him you know. It’s just not fun right now.”

Bucky reached out and ruffled Steve’s hair.  He was their first.  A sick little boy that was too much trouble for anyone to want and they had decided, all three of them, that no kid deserved to feel like they were too much trouble to be wanted.  Secretly, Steve was his favorite.  They had an understanding, a partnership that had worked through years of family struggles and three more boys.

“All of you guys were trouble when we first got you.  Remember how awful the first few months with Bruce were?  I swear that boy almost broke us before he started trusting us.”  Bucky said.

“Yeah, but you put him in Clint’s room.  Not my room.”  Steve said.

“Well, if in the middle of the night Bruce had a fit then Clint was bigger and stronger and could stop him from hurting someone.  If Tony has a fit, like tonight, it’s best to stay away and let us know.  So Tony is in your room.”  Bucky said.

Steve sighed, swirling his mug around so the dribble of hot water could mix with the chocolate that collected at the bottom.  “I heard that Tony’s parents want him back.  Can’t we give him back?  They weren’t that bad.”

Bucky’s face pinched up and he pulled back a bit.  “Where did you hear that?”  He asked.  All the tension that he had tried to get rid of came rushing back, his shoulders stiff and his old injury aching.  Steve shrugged.  “They weren’t nice.”

“Tony said they never hit him and they’re both still alive so I don’t see why he can’t go back.”  Steve said, setting his mug down and glaring down at the floor.

“Just because they didn’t hit him it doesn’t mean they were good to him.  Not all parents are nice like yours were.”  Bucky said.

He hated bringing up Steve’s parents.  He hated using that as an argument.  Steve had a good family who died while he was still too young.  He was too sick and too scared and Bucky would always be thankful that they found their by.  He would have to send Sam another thank you card for putting them on the path to parenthood.  Bucky sends those cards every few months.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll be nicer to him.  Clint’s just better at this big brother thing than I am, maybe we should consider putting Tony in the room with him and Bruce.”  Steve gave him a big grin and Bucky chuckled, shaking his head.

“Not gonna happen, but glad we had this talk.  You know I appreciate you right?  Tony’s gonna start feeling better soon and you’re going to love being his brother.  I promise.”  Bucky said.

Steve was getting too big to carry around these days.  Bucky had one arm and it was easier to hold a small kid, not a young teenager, but Steve was thin and Bucky would always try.  The boy wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck and held tight as Bucky wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close.  They left their mugs on the counter and they turned off the kitchen light before slowly making their way upstairs.

They stopped outside the door of Tony and Steve’s room.  Natasha was laying on the floor, a pillow under her head as she sang a soft, sleepy song.  Tony was awake now, rubbing his eyes and curled up on his side facing her.  He noticed the two of them standing by the door and his eyes widened in terror as he hid under his blanket.  Steve held Bucky’s neck tighter and they kept walking.

“I think he’s scared of you.”  Steve muttered.

Bucky shook his head.  “He’s just tired.  It’s really late so you can sleep in here.”

“Okay.”  Steve sighed softly.  “I don’t want him to be scared anymore.”

He brought Steve back to his room and set him down on the floor.  They wouldn’t share a bed, Steve was too old for things like that.  Steve walked over and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to his neck and wiggling into Natasha’s side, already half asleep.  Bucky waited only a moment before grabbing his pillow and one of the fluffy blankets they kept on the bed and making his way back down the hall and downstairs to the living room.  The couch was pretty comfortable.  Natasha would likely fall asleep on the floor in the boys’ room like she had done many times before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Families are tough. And I promise this story isn't about Tony. He's just the one with the most problems right now.
> 
> I will beg for comments.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo longest chapter yet. Still from Bucky's POV.

Bucky rubbed his aching shoulder, the cramped couch had not done it any favors and he felt like he was losing his arm all over again.  The rain wasn’t helping either.  The cool, damp air settled over him and sank into his bones and made them ache each time he so much as shifted his weight.  Moving round was hell.

Nat came downstairs first, Clint hot on her heels.  She smiled at him, reaching out and brushing her fingers through his hair.  Clint just plopped down on the couch next to him and stretched.

“Can we get McDonalds for breakfast?”  Clint asked. 

Bucky shook his head. “No, it’s a school day.”  He said.  This week felt like it was taking forever and flying by but he still knew it was at least Friday.

“Three day weekend for Columbus day.”  Clint said.

Bucky blinked.  “Fuck that guy.”

He heard Natasha’s laugh from the kitchen and the smell of coffee brewing and he leaned back against the couch cushions.  He wanted to stay in, but there were things to do.  He wanted to curl up under the covers with Tasha, but he had appointments and meetings.  He had kids with needs and he had the best girl in the world doing all of it with him.  Bucky took a deep breath and pushed himself up to join her in the kitchen.

“The rest of the boys should sleep for a while longer, Tony and Steve didn’t get much rest last night, so if you want I can run to get breakfast and be back in a bit?”  Natasha said.

She looked tired, her eyes a bit hazy as she stood by the pot that was dripping out coffee too slowly.  He wrapped his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  She was warm, her hair sticking up on one side and a mess of red, curly tangles on the other.  He wanted to hold her close for a bit longer.

“I’m sorry you had to sleep on the couch.”  She said softly.  “Steve wouldn’t have minded sharing the bed with you.  It’s a big bed.”

“I know Steve wouldn’t have but I would have.  Tony’s scared of me, he looks at me like I’m going to reach out at any moment and snatch him.  I just couldn’t, not last night.”  He said.  They were both watching the pot and waiting for it to brew enough to make their mugs.  “I’m sorry you slept on the floor.”

“It’s alright.  Tony was having a nightmare and I couldn’t just leave him alone.  He calmed down a bit when he woke up and realized I was the only one there.  He acts like he hates me, but I know he doesn’t.”  Natasha said.

The coffee finished and they both poured themselves a cup.  Tasha had gotten seasonal coffee creamer and Bucky had no shame in enjoying pumpkin flavored coffee.  It was delicious.  He added more sugar than what was probably healthy and gladly accepted the gentle teases she gave him.  One last peck on the lips and she left in her pajamas and robe with a coffee cup in hand and went to pick up breakfast.

Bucky rejoined Clint out in the living room and smiled at the cartoons on the tv.  Clint had his legs pulled up against him and he leaned against Bucky and started dozing off again.  It was still early.  Barely even eight in the morning.  No one should have to be up this early when there was no school.

Clint fell back to sleep, snoring softly and Bucky didn’t move to turn off the tv, he didn’t care about the cartoons and he definitely didn’t want to wake his kid up.  It was a nice morning.  Still quiet and calm, Bucky almost fell back to sleep as well until Bruce made his way down and joined them, climbing onto Bucky’s lap and immediately getting sucked into the cartoons.

They stayed like that for almost twenty minutes until Tasha came back with a few bags of food and a smile on her face.

“Good morning, boys.  I have breakfast sandwiches and hash browns.”  She said and they all got up to follow her into the kitchen.

“Did you get toys?”  Clint asked.

“No.  You all have plenty of toys.”  She said.

Bruce pouted but he accepted his egg biscuit sandwich and his chocolate milk with a polite ‘thank you’.  Bucky smiled at him, sitting between the two boys and grabbing his two sandwiches from the bag.  Hash browns were amazing, his mouth was watering at just the thought.

“So, James.  I talked to Sam this morning.”  She said, kissing him and pouring him more coffee.  Bucky frowned, already dreading what she would say next.  “He’s going to bring Rhodey over for a playdate if you want to run with him to the VA.  Clint will help me with the boys and Rhodey will keep Tony occupied so it will be like they aren’t even here.”

“Sounds like you want me to get out of the house, babe.  Why?”  He asked with his mouth full of potato.

“I need some time and space so I can sneak my secret boyfriends in with our four sons and their friend not noticing at all.  This is certainly not for your benefit.”  She said.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile.  “This isn’t just another scheme to get me to talk about my feelings in Sam’s peer group, is it?”  He said.

“No, I’m cheating on you.  Now, I’ll go get Tony and Steve, you boys don’t make a mess.”  Natasha said and she pointed at each of them.

She darted away and Bucky smiled as he ate.  Clint leaned over to whisper something to Bruce and it sent the boys into a fit of giggles.  It was definitely a good morning.

Steve stumbled in, rubbing his eyes and sitting down next to Clint.  It meant that the last available seat was for Tony besides Bruce and Natasha would sit at the other end.  Tony looked so tired that he could barely walk; he stumbled into the kitchen with his arms crossed tight and took the seat Bucky knew he would and Natasha passed out their sandwiches to them.

“McDonald’s is bad for you.” Tony mumbled.

“Well, it’s fast, cheap, and easy.  You should be happy though, apparently Rhodey is coming over to play later.”  Bucky said.

The sleep seemed to leave the boy immediately as he jumped in his seat excitedly.  “Really?  He is?  You’re not lying, right?”  Tony said.

Considering Tony had only known the boy for the month that Tony had been with them, they had become best friends.  Sam’s adopted son Rhodey was a good kid, he was smart and responsible and respected Tony’s boundaries instantly.  When Tony first came to them a month ago and they were struggling to help him settle and feel welcome, Sam brought Rhodey over and Tony had metaphorically latched onto the boy.  Still, no one was allowed to touch him.

Bruce liked Rhodey too so if the three boys played together then it was easy.  Bucky wouldn’t feel bad about leaving Tasha alone with five kids.  He just needed to think of a better excuse to not go to the VA with him.

Breakfast went by without incident, no outbursts of anger and everyone ate all of their food without issues.  It was a rare but welcome, easy morning.  The younger boys hadn’t made a mess of themselves and so they were sent upstairs to get dressed while Clint helped Natasha pick up the wrappers and scrub ketchup and chocolate milk off of the table.

“Go get dressed, babe.  You’re getting out of the house today.”  She said. Her tone was firm and left no room for negotiation.  But it was warm and Bucky smiled, leaning in to kiss her again before he resigned himself to head upstairs.  He would never convince Natasha to let him stay home and so his new mission was to convince Sam to not take him there.

He got dressed and trimmed his growing beard, though he refused to shave his stubble off completely.  He knew Sam and Rhodey were here because the boys were screaming with excitement. He heard three sets of tiny feet running up the stairs and the door to Bruce’s room slam shut.  He could hear the laughed through the walls.

“Hello handsome. Who are you trying to impress?  Can’t possibly be me.”  Natasha said.  She was still in her slippers and her robe, holding her arms out to him and he grinned down at her.

“Maybe while you’re having fun with your other boyfriends I can find a nice guy or gal to take me home for a bit of fun.  You do want me out enjoying myself.”  He said.

“Honestly if you have fun I might just send them a thank you letter.  ‘Thank you for having sex with my husband, he’s been looking so down lately.’  Don’t think I won’t.”  She said.

He managed to get only one more kiss before she pushed him and Sam out the door.  It was pouring at this point, the cold rain making Bucky’s chest ache as they walked to the car and turned the heat on for the drive.

“Let’s go to the bar instead.  I’ll buy.”  Bucky said once they had pulled away from the house.

“It’s ten in the morning.” Sam said.

“There are bars open in Brooklyn.  Rudy’s has the best chili fries and I won’t even drink.  Just don’t make me go to the VA.”  Bucky said.  He leaned over and batted his eyelashes, but Sam didn’t even bother to take his eyes off of the road.

“I’ll tell you what, if you promise to talk to me, because Nat threatened me, then I’ll take you to Rudy’s instead.  But no alcohol.  I’ll beat you if you even try.”  Sam said.

Bucky knew he was being tossed a lifeline and he greedily took it and agreed.  He would spill his whole life story to Sam in a bar over chili fries instead of sitting awkwardly in a peer meeting at the VA.  Sam didn’t even lead the meetings on Fridays.  Their absence wouldn’t even be noticed.

Rudy’s was open twenty four hours, it was tucked between a large sports bar and a new organic juice place, both of which Bucky avoided with every ounce of his energe.  Neither of them had chili fries like Rudy’s did.  That was all Bucky ordered.

They got a booth near the door and ate quietly for a few minutes, making a mess of their face and hands and washing he fries down with colas.  It was delicious.  Bucky had dreamed about being here and eating this food.  He hadn’t had the chance to come in so long.

“Alright man, we made a deal.”  Sam said as he wiped his face with his napkin.

Bucky paused, taking his time to chew what was in his mouth before answering.  “I’m honestly confused.  I haven’t been looking sad.  Things are going good.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.  “Really man, things are good?  You guys just got another boy, your house is packed, and you both look exhausted.”

“We’re fine, really.  Things are always tough when you get a new kid.  You should know, the only reason we got into doing this was because of you.”  Bucky said.  He pointed a fry accusingly at Sam before popping it into his mouth.  “You got Rhodey and talked endlessly about how amazing your son was.  How you wanted to take this sick little boy but you might get transferred to DC and you couldn’t move with him.  You talked about how they were having difficulties placing him because he wasn’t doing good and of course you knew we would take the bait.  We only got our boys because of your bad influence.”

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Well, I’m sorry I’ve doomed you to a life of domestic fatherhood.”

“I love these kids.  You know I adore Steve, he was our first kid, and Clint is oldest so he’s been a big help since he got settled in.  Bruce is so sweet and he’s doing so much better.  I love my boys.  I really do.”  Bucky said.

“And Tony?”  Sam asked.

Bucky sighed.  “He’s a good kid and I want to help him.  It’s just stressful.  It’s only been a month, all these kids take time to settle in.  I’m sure if we keep him and keep trying to help him, he’ll settle in good.  I just don’t know if we’re going to keep him or not.  I’m starting to think it would be best if we didn’t.”

He felt guilty for saying that.  He refused to ever let those people have him back.  It would be different if his parents tried to prove they would be better.  If they tried to earn their boy back and be better than before then he wouldn’t hate them so much.  But they were suing and if they won then Tony would go back.

“They’re not going to get him back.  No lawyer can convince a judge to give Tony back to them.  Tony already told Pepper everything, it’s all on record, and whether they meant to or not they hurt him.”  Sam said firmly.

“Tony isn’t doing good.  He cries in his sleep because of nightmares, he fights and screams, he’s having panic attacks, and if someone slips up and touches him then he shuts down.  It’s like no one is home in that little head of his.  We can’t even comfort him.  If we try to touch him it’ll only make it worse.”  Bucky said.  He didn’t feel hungry anymore; he just stared down at his fries.  “He’s scared of me.  I can see it in his eyes and I know why he’s scared of me.  I know what he’s afraid I’ll do.  I can’t just be with my family without a care if I know one of them is scared that I would do something like that.  Steve can’t sleep in his own room without being woken up by his crying.  If Bruce has a fit and hits him things just go all to hell.  I want to help Tony but I know I can’t.”

Sam listened to every word.  He didn’t cut in to try and contradict him and he didn’t try to explain anything away.  He reached out and held Bucky’s hand softly, letting him rant about how fucked up he was for not wanting his newest little boy.  Bucky grimaced at the thought.  It wasn’t true.  He did want him, he just wanted him to be easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we'll go back to Nat's POV. I promise Bucky loves this boy, and honestly this is probably not the first time he's felt like this, but it'll work out.
> 
> Please comment


	9. Chapter 9

It was definitely a good day for them.  She ordered pizza for the boys and while the three little ones played upstairs, Clint and Steve laid out on the couch and watched tv.  Natasha didn’t have to worry about a thing.  Rhodey was good for the boys, he made them want to play their innocent little games instead of fight or throw fits.  She heard nothing but laughter from upstairs.

The pizza was a surprise treat for all of them.  The Clint and Steve didn’t even look up from the tv as the delivery man knocked on the door.  They didn’t say a word about what she was doing until she walked in front of them with two boxes and two bags of breadsticks.

“You got pizza!”  Steve shouted and just like that the laughter died upstairs.

Natasha smiled to herself as she heard the footsteps pounding down the stairs and the two older boys following her like shadows, hanging over her shoulder.  The three little ones appeared behind them, jumping up and down to try and see.

“Who said you all are getting any?  Maybe it’s all for me.”  She said, sticking her nose up at them and watching them all giggle.  “Get plates and say please really nicely and maybe I’ll give you some.”

They all ended up in a line.  Steve smiled up at her and batted his lashes.  “Please Tash.”  He said.

Clint was wiggling with excitement when it was his turn.  He bent his knees to try and make himself look smaller and tried to make his eyes bigger as he said his ‘please’. 

Bruce had some of the biggest brown eyes she had ever seen.  He smiled so wide it showed off his teeth and asked very nicely for some pizza.  If she could say no to him then she was stronger than most.  She gave him some.

Rhodey was always polite.  She smiled and he called her ma’am and he sat down at the table once he got his.  Tony was the last one, staring at them all eating and down at the paper plate in his hand and at the pizza box before looking back at the table.

“I’m not that hungry.”  He said, looking up at her with a small pout.  “Pizza is bad for you.”

“It’s okay every once in a while.  If you ask maybe I’ll give you a little piece and you can try it.  Have lunch with everyone.”  She said.

Tony seemed to think about it.  She hoped he would, he was still so small and underweight.  He was falling behind in physical development and he needed to eat and catch up.  She hoped that just for today that he would make it easier on them.

“Okay.  Please?”  He said and held his plate up.

It was wonderful, if a bit forceful for a ‘please’ but she wasn’t going to get greedy.  Tony had asked and he was going to eat so she happily gave him the smallest slice in the box and a breadstick.

He sat at the table, between Rhodey and Bruce and across from Clint.  They ate happily.  She would have to get something easy for dinner, since it was their lazy day and she was getting fast food today.  Maybe Chinese food.  Or Italian.  Something they would all like.

“You take such small bites.”  Bruce said, leaning over close to Tony to look at his pizza.

Tony was glaring at all of them, but he didn’t put his pizza down.  It was quiet time after lunch.  All of the kids were technically too old for a nap but it wasn’t uncommon for her boys to fall asleep.  Bruce and Tony did better when they were rested.  Today had been going so well for all of them that she wanted to keep it going, and an hour or so relaxing quietly would hopefully preserve that.

“You guys eat too much, that’s why you’re all fat.”  Tony said and he took one more small bite before he put his pizza on the plate and crossed his arms.

“None of us are even close to being fat.  Besides, Steve is skin and bones.  He weighs about as much as you do at this point.”  Clint said.  In one quick movement he reached over and snatched the pizza off of Tony’s plate.

“Clint, give it back!”  Natasha snapped as Tony opened his mouth to shout and he kicked his feet under the table.

“Why?  He’s not going to eat it, mama.  It’s wasteful.”  Clint said.

Natasha glared, standing up and taking a single step towards him.  With a sigh Clint reached out and plopped the pizza back onto Tony’s plate.  He pulled it closer to him, hunching over it to guard it from the other kids and no one was safe from his mean looks, not even Rhodey.  Clint glared right back, shoving what was left of his pizza into his mouth and giving a wide eyed and hopeful look to Natasha.

“Please.  I’m starving. I’m stealing from children.”  He said.

“You’re not starving.  You’re just rude.”  Steve said.

“Yeah, rude.”  Bruce said.

Rhodey chuckled, nodding quickly as he leaned over the table.  “Don’t forget mean.”

The kitchen was filled with young giggles and Clint was smiling, sticking his tongue out at all of them.  It was alright, Tony had picked up his pizza again to take another bite and Bruce muttered something to him that made them both smile.  Natasha didn’t have to step in to separate anyone.  She didn’t have to worry about them getting too worked up.  It was a good lunch, one of the most peaceful family meals that they’ve had in a long time and she was slightly disappointed that James was missing it.

Most of the boys got another piece, Tony managed to eat his first one all the way to the crust before he declared he was done.  It was as good as she would get and she took his plate from him.  She almost reached out and brushed her fingers through his soft, dark curls.  Instead she sent him upstairs to get ready for quiet time.

“How come Steve and Clint don’t gotta?”  Tony asked.  All three boys were resting in one room with the promise that they would all behave. Tony in his bed, Bruce and Rhodey sharing Steve’s.

“Don’t have to what, Tony?”  She asked.

“Be quiet and take a nap.”  He said.

“They’re older and not as easily overwhelmed.  They do have to be quiet.  They’ll be in trouble if they don’t.”  She said.

That seemed to satisfy him.  He wiggled a bit under the covers and rolled over onto his stomach, looking away from her.  She wanted to reach out and tuck him in.  She wanted to kiss his forehead and wish him sweet dreams.  She walked over to Bruce and Rhodey, who were wiggling and giggling and smiling up at her.

“Be good and rest up, okay.  If you guys can relax for an hour I’ll be so happy.”  She said.  Natasha pulled the covers up to their chins and leaned down to kiss them on their foreheads.  Both boys smiled and promised to be quiet.  It was likely a mistake having them all together in one room when they should be quiet, but Tony was already close to falling asleep and they promised her not to bother him.

She left the door cracked open as she left them and made her way downstairs.  Clint and Steve had rejoined their spot on the couch and she wanted to go sit with them.  She wanted to ignore the house and everything that needed to be clean for just a while longer and just watch silly cartoons with her two oldest.  She worried about them.  With Bruce and Tony needing so much time and attention she wanted to make sure these two, her oldest and first two children, were still doing okay.

But it was quiet time and they were watching tv.  They would be so annoyed if she just started asking questions.

“How’s school?”  She asked.  They both groaned in unison and a smile was plastered on her face.

“Fine.”  They both said.

“Any trouble with math or friends or…lunch?”  She asked.

“Ma, we know if we have anything we can talk to you.  Everything’s good.  Really.”  Steve said.  He didn’t take his eyes off of the tv.

“Well, that’s good.”  She said.  “And feel free to talk to me about little stuff too.  Like girls or boys or lizards you found in the bushes.  I like that stuff.”

Clint held his finger to his lips and shushed her.  “It’s quiet time.”  He whispered.

Natasha glared, not that it did any good as both of her boys were back to watching tv.  She went to the kitchen and nibbled on leftover pizza and cold breadsticks.  She dipped it all in ranch and poured herself a large glass of cola.  She went through two slices by the time James got home with Sam in tow.  He walked over to kiss her and he smelled like chili fries.

“So, how was the VA?”  She asked, waiting to see if he would lie or not.

“The VA is a broken and unreformed system that I’ve decided not to participate in.  It does good for some, but I’ve decided my time is best served away from there.”  He said calmly, reaching over and stealing a slice of pizza.

“James, I smell fries so don’t steal my pizza.  I’m stress eating.” She said.

“Why am I friends with you people?”  Sam said as he shook his head and wandered back to the living room.

James pulled a chair up next to her and pressed a kiss to her temple.  He seemed more relaxed than before.  Last night had left them frustrated, with their private time cut short and both of them sleeping in uncomfortable circumstances.  She didn’t mind singing Tony to sleep and staying in case of nightmares, but she didn’t sleep well and James was left alone on the couch.

“Thank you for that.  It was nice to go out and clear my head for a bit.  I think I got my feelings out and now I have an idea of what to do.  I need to talk to Tony.”  James said.

Natasha smiled and let out a sigh of relief.  “Wonderful.  That’s good.  He’s upstairs in his room if you want to go up t-“

“No.  Not up there.  Down here. When quiet time is done I’ll talk to him down here. Not up in his room.  No.”  James said, shaking his head quickly.  “I’m sorry. I just know it won’t work if I talk to him up there. I need him to listen and then I need him to be able to talk to me.  Please.”

Natasha nodded.  “I can take all the kids to the park.  Give you two time.”  She said.

“Honestly, Tony’s afraid of me.  I think it’s best if he doesn’t think I’m isolating him and sending everyone else away.  Everyone can stay.  I don’t think it’ll be a long talk.”  James said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family and love and joy. Bucky figured something out during his talks with Sam and now he's going to try and reach out. We'll see how it goes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter ten!

Tony came waddling into the kitchen some time later.  He looked tired, his eyes hazy and half open as if he had just woken up when Natasha sent him into the kitchen.  Bucky smiled at him, gesturing at the big, empty table in front of him for Tony to pick a spot.

“Am I in trouble?  I didn’t do anything this time.”  He grumbled and climbed into the spot on the other side of Bucky.  He could just reach across the table and touch Tony if he was cruel enough to.  Bucky kept his hands folded on top of the table in front of him.

“You’re not in trouble.  I just want you to be happy and I think the best way to do that is to talk about stuff.  Sometimes these feelings talks actually work.”  Bucky said.

Tony’s face scrunched up into a sour expression.  “I already have feelings talks with Miss Pepper.”  He said.

“Yes but you’re not scared of Pepper.  You’re scared of me.”  Bucky said.  He hated admitting it.  This small little boy should be scared of monsters under the bed and not having his nightlight plugged in.  He shouldn’t be scared that someone meant to take care of him would reach out too far and touch him.  “I know why you’re scared of me.”

Tony’s eyes were so wide.  The table was spotless but Tony stared down at a particular invisible spot on it and crossed his arms tight across his chest.  “You gonna do it then?”  He muttered with a voice so soft Bucky strained to hear.

“No.  I’m not going to.  Not that my words mean anything, but I want you to know that I promise that I will never touch you like that.  So since words won’t do any good I want you to have this.”  Bucky said and he slid the piece of paper across the table at Tony.

“Phone numbers?”  He asked.

“I know for a fact that you are capable of calling 911.  You wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t.  But now you have the numbers for the locale police department, Miss Pepper, Mister Sam, Officer Thor, Miss Foster, and anyone else you might need to call if something happens.  Only call the police if something bad happens, otherwise we’ll get in trouble, but now you have these numbers for if you need them.”  Bucky said.  It was a metaphorical gesture.  He knew it would take more than giving Tony a way out to gain his trust.  He didn’t need Tony to trust and love him.  He just needed Tony to feel safe and having phone numbers of people who can save him and who have saved him in the past was a good way to get there.

“I know how to call the police.”  Tony said.  He folded up the paper and put it into his pocket before he crossed his arms over his chest again.

Bucky knew that, he smiled and nodded.  He was proud that Tony knew how to do that because over a month ago he was scared and hurt and called 911, he called the police and they came to save him from his empty house where he was all alone.  Tony saved himself and when Officer Thor carried him out of there and took him to the police station it was the last time Tony allowed another person to touch him.  He screamed at the doctors who tried and Pepper who only wanted to hold his hand, and eventually he just fell into silence.

Why Tony called the police was still a mystery.  He told them about the bad things thinking they would send Stane away, but everyone was certain something in the abuse had changed.  Something that made Tony willing to reach out to emergency services to stop it.  They weren’t sure what it was, Tony didn’t say and Bucky was always scared to ask.  It was something bad, because at that point Tony had lived through years of abuse and then on some random day when he was home alone he called the police.  There was a reason, they just didn’t know what it was.

“Thank you Bucky.”  Tony said.

“This is a big responsibility Tony.  You’re in charge of yourself now.  You need to know your limits and to tell us what those are.  If you think you’re in danger you can call Pepper or Thor and they’ll come over.  If it’s an emergency, and only a real emergency, you can call the police station and talk to someone.”  Bucky said.

Tony nodded quickly, hiding his piece of paper away and grinning.  “You’re gonna let me call the police?”

Bucky chuckled.  “Tony, you’re allowed to call anyone you need to if you’re in danger and someone is hurting you.  But if you’re ever scared I know Mister Sam and Miss Pepper will always answer the phone and if you need help with anything Officer Thor and Miss Foster will explain things to you and help you.  The police department and 911 are for emergencies only.  Do you understand?”  Bucky said.  He was worried this might be a mistake, but it was important.  Tony needed to know that he had resources available to him and they would let him have them.

“Emergencies like when you touch me?”  Tony asked, tilting his head a bit.

“That would qualify as an emergency if it every happened, but I won’t hurt you like that.”  Bucky said.

“Do you promise?”  Tony asked.

“I promise.  Now, do you have any questions?”

It was cute how Tony’s little hand shot into the air and he wiggled in his seat.  The few times he bothered to stick around for when Jane was he had seen something similar, the two younger boys excited to learn.

“Where did your arm go?”  Tony asked.  Bucky blinked at the off topic question, but if Tony stayed and talked to him he could manage it.

“I was in a war.”  Bucky said.

“Why?  Aren’t they scary?”  Tony said.

One of the hardest things about parenthood, besides getting his kids with heaps of trauma and knowing that there were monsters out there who hurt their kids, was that he didn’t know how to talk to them.  They just wanted to know things and sometimes things were scary and had to be handled with care.  How was he going to tell Tony about a bomb that took his arm off and he went to war because he had no other options?

“They are scary.  But it was a job and my foster parents practically insisted that I go.”  He said.  Tony’s eyes were wide.

“You had foster parents too?  Were they nice?”  Tony asked.

“Not as nice as Tasha, so you shouldn’t be so mean to her.”

Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Okay.”  He said.  The boy bit his lower lip and looked at the table between them, wiggling with excess energy until he spoke again.  “What are good touches?  Bruce talked about them, but I know he’s lying.  And does he just not know what bad touches are or have you guys just not gotten to it yet?”

Those questions weren’t any easier to answer but they were closer to the subject on hand.  He took a deep breath, debating on whether or not he should call Tasha in to help him answer, but he didn’t want Tony to feel like they were teaming up against him.

“Good touches really depend on a lot.  If you don’t want to be touched and someone does it then it’s bad.  If you’re a little kid and someone touches you in a way they shouldn’t, then it’s bad.  If someone hits you or hurts you, then it’s bad.  But good touches are soft and gentle.  They make people feel safe and happy.  You have to agree to it, it has to be appropriate, and it shouldn’t hurt or make you feel scared.”  Bucky said.  That seemed like the right answer, but he wondered if he was being too vague for him to understand.

“Bruce’s dad hit him, he told me so.  That’s bad.”  Tony said slowly.  Bucky nodded and Tony wiggled more.  “Okay.  Thank you.  I’m done now.”

Tony slid out of his seat and stood by the table for a moment, either waiting for more or a dismissal.  Bucky nodded.  He didn’t want to overwhelm the kid.

“If you ever want a hug or anything you could ask.  Until then we’ll respect your boundaries.”  Bucky said.

Tony smiled.  “Police are for emergencies.”  He said.

Once they were done Tony ran into the living room and went for the toy box in the corner, where Rhodey and Bruce were awake from their nap and digging through them to get the toy cars and action figures.  Bucky watched in the doorway, Natasha wandering up to him and sliding her arm around his waist.  Tony lurked on the edge of the kids, waiting for space for him to move in and claim his toy robot.

“He has the attention span of a goldfish.  I say he can ask questions and he wants my entire life story.”  Bucky said with a smile and he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“At least you guys talked things out.  Do you think you got through to him?”  She asked.

“A little bit.  Right now those are just words to him.  It’ll get better?”  He said.

Natasha’s hand wandered up his back soothingly.  “Of course it will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feelings


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next week things did get easier, just like Natasha was sure it would.  Tony had calmed down, he stopped verbally attacking everyone near him, he stopped panicking about things she couldn’t understand, and he smiled more.  Things were more pleasant, but still the same.  She still slept on the floor of the boy’s room when Tony cried in his sleep from nightmares at least two nights a week because she couldn’t reach out to comfort him.

Tony and Bruce were singing songs in the backseat along with the radio.  She smiled, bobbing her head as she tried to remember the words of the pop song that was on every station that she never paid much attention to.  The boys giggled at her as if it were the most hilarious thing they had seen.

Tony had a meeting with Miss Pepper, to talk to him about how he was feeling and how he was doing and let him see his parents for their weekly visit.  If they wanted to move up to two visits a week they could, but they said they didn’t have time for it.  Pepper looked angry when she told Natasha, but Natasha never told Tony.  This boy didn’t need to know his parents didn’t want to see him for more than an hour a week.

They pulled up to the building and the boys quickly unbuckled and climbed out of the car.  The parking lot was usually mostly empty so it eased her anxiety about them not holding hands until the glass doors slid open and they were in the safe lobby of the government offices.  The boys were happy today, laughing and darting off to look at random things in the general direction of the elevator.

“Hey, last week you said that Bucky could take me to see Miss Pepper.”  Tony said, stopping in his tracks.

“You forgot.  Maybe next week if we all remember.”  Natasha said and her hand stopped in midair with the intent of brushing her fingers through his hair and off of his forehead. She didn’t touch him and Tony didn’t even notice as he ran into the elevator.

She almost ruined it. The good mood on the good day.  Tony would have shut down if she had touched him but she had done those movements a thousand times before with all of her other boys.  Tony would have shut down and they would have sat on the floor of the elevator until he felt well enough to get up and walk back to the car.  He wouldn’t have gotten to see his parents.  She almost ruined the day with a simple gesture.

The elevator doors open and she breathed sigh of relief. Pepper was waiting for them, talking to the receptionist on her floor.  Tony darted up to them, bouncing on his toes as he said hello to Miss Pepper and Miss Holmes.  Natasha paused as Pepper smiled at Tony and leaned over to tell him to go play.

“Natasha?”  Pepper said, waving her over to join her near the desk.  Natasha’s anxiety spiked back up, even though it was still high knowing she had almost crossed Tony’s boundaries without thinking.  “Don’t panic, there is still time, but Tony’s parents aren’t here yet so I’ll just spend a bit more time talking to Tony so by the time he’s done talking to his parents then we might go over on time.”

“They’re not here.”  She asked.

“Yet.  They’re not here yet.  Molly is going to give them a few more minutes and then call them.  Don’t worry.  Take Bruce to get ice cream and everything will be great.  First I’m just going to take Tony to my office and do my usual interview, see how he is doing, if he’s happy.  And of course, rat you guys out if you’re being awful.”  Pepper said quickly.

Natasha nodded.  “Of course.  We’ve only been the normal kinds of awful.  We made him eat peas yesterday.”

“Absolutely horrible.”  Pepper said with a smile and a wink and called Tony into her office where he would get a lollipop before he talks about his feelings.

The waiting room was sad.  It didn’t matter how many kitten posters they put up or new toys and updated magazines they filled the room with, it was always so sad.  Natasha decided that any waiting room in an office dedicated to helping hurt and exploited children was going to be sad by default.  She called out to Bruce and her body relaxed as he nearly leapt into her arms.

They did go to ice cream, she got a cup with a single scoop and Bruce wanted a waffle cone with two scoops.  His face was a mess in seconds.

“Did you know that a child’s meta...metably…metabolism, yeah, is faster than an adults.  So we burn calories a lot faster.  And also because kids burn so much energy they can eat more sugar?  But adults feel sick if they eat too much sugar, but we won’t.”  Bruce said, bouncing in his seat.

“Is this the beginning of speech dedicated to convince me that I should give you more dessert?”  She asked.  Bruce nodded.  “Not gonna happen.”

“Well it was worth a try.”  He said.  He struggled to pout as he ate his ice cream.

“I do love that you are so smart.  My genius baby boy, I’m sure if you keep up your studies you might be a teacher.  You can find someone who wants to know as much about metabolisms as you do.”  She said.  She reached out this time, unafraid to brush her fingers through Bruce’s hair.  He smiled, his face lighting up and he wiggled into her touch greedily.  “I’m so proud of you.”

“I know, Tasha.  Miss Foster thinks I’m so smart too.”  Bruce said.

“Do you like Miss Foster?  I know things are different now that you share her with Tony.”  She said.

Jane was a miracle sent by the social workers.  Bruce was a genius with specific needs.  He couldn’t really be sent to a public school because of the risk of a violent outburst if he gets too mad, he needed a teacher who could keep up with him, and Jane had been willing to do so with the little pay the agency and Natasha could give her.  She could be a professor somewhere if she wanted, but she decided to stay and teach brilliant children who needed her.

Part of the reason Pepper was so insistent that Tony be placed with them was because they had Jane.  Because they were good with what they labelled as ‘difficult children’ and had been successful with Clint and Bruce, who were known as such.  For Pepper, Natasha and Bucky were the only ones she thought could handle Tony and had the resources to help him succeed.  He was another genius boy who needed to thrive.

“Tony’s better at different stuff than I am.  He is so good at math and physics that I thought I was stupid for a bit.”  Bruce said.

“You’re not stupid.  You’re one of the smartest people I know in the whole world, and I know a lot of smart people.”  Natasha said quickly.  “And everyone is good at different things.  Would Tony be able to tell me so much about the differences between the metabolism of a child and an adult?”

Bruce licked his ice cream and shrugged.  “Probably not.  He said those kinds of sciences are silly and gross.  I think it’s just because he’s not good at biology and stuff.  But I am?”

“Yes, you are.  I’ve seen your grades.  I’m always amazed with how much you know.”  Natasha said.

“I don’t know how to read the long words yet.  And Jane wants to start teaching us different languages.  Tony knows Spanish already and so I get to learn Spanish from Jane and she’s going to teach Tony French.  And he’s not doing good with his writing, but I’m writing in the lines now.  My writing is prettier now.”

“That’s good.  I would love to see you’re writing and we can practice that more when we get home.  And Bucky is better at math than I am so he’ll help you with your homework.”  She said.

Bruce smiled.  “Thank you Tasha.  I’m glad we’re all happy again.”

Natasha tilted her head a bit and frowned at the statement.  “Were we not happy?”  She asked.

Bruce shook his head.  “Nope.  Everyone was always sad or mad all the time.  Clint said it’s because you and Bucky weren’t hanging out enough and Steve said it’s because of Tony, but Tony got a piece of paper he reads every night and so Steve says that he stopped being a pain.  And now we’re all happy again.”

Natasha smiled, reaching out again and brushing the messy curls behind his ear and she wanted to lean across the table and kiss his forehead.  Bruce liked it.  He liked being comforted like that.  “We’re all very happy, sweetheart.  I promise.  I’m happy and I have the best family of boys in the world.”

“Even with Tony?”  He asked.

“Of course even Tony.  He’s your brother.”  Natasha said.

“Tasha, if Tony’s my brother can he be the baby brother?  Even though he’s a few months older than me?  He’s the newest so he’s the baby brother.”  Bruce said.

“You want to be a big brother?”  Natasha asked.

Bruce smiled and nodded so eagerly that Natasha had no choice but to agree with him.  Bruce wanted to be a big brother.  He wanted to look out for who he thought deserved to be the baby of the family.  Tony was newest, Tony needed the most care like a baby did, and so he wanted to be a big brother to him.  With three brothers, he might be alright.

They finished their ice cream and washed their hands and faces in the bathroom before driving back to the large office building.  They sang songs in the car and held hands in the elevator.  The door opened and Tony was waiting for them, sitting with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet kicking as he sat next to Pepper in the waiting room.

“Hey Tony, Tasha said I’m the big brother.”  Bruce said.  He ran over and sat next to Tony as Pepper stood up and walked over to Natasha.  Her heels clicked on the tiled floors and they echoed through the room.

“They didn’t come.”  She said.

One day a week.  One hour on one day every week was all the time Tony’s parents had scheduled with their child and they couldn’t make it.  They were out of town and had neglected to tell Pepper that they weren’t coming today.  Instead she had the meeting set up, the room scheduled for use, and Tony on his way fully expecting to see his mom or dad.  And they instead said they were suing and would no longer be cooperating.  And Tony was kicking his feet in the waiting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah some quality alone time with Bruce. Such a good and genius boy, Bruce. Wants to be a big brother Bruce. 
> 
> I'll beg for comments.


	12. Chapter 12

Although she was worried about him, Tony wasn’t visibly upset.  He had spent the whole day expecting them to be there.  He had gotten dressed in his nicest clothes and had behaved all day, but now he was in the car and looking out the window quietly.  There were no fits of anger or sad tears but she could still tell he was disappointed.  He didn’t show it, but he was too quiet to be anything else.

“We’re going to take Bruce to his appointment now and then you and me can hang out Tony.”  Natasha offered.  She was not in the mood for more ice cream.  Bruce’s lesson about child metabolisms and burning sugar and calories faster had occupied a small part of her thoughts as she dreaded the possibility of eating more ice cream.

“Okay Tasha.”  Tony said.

It was a short drive to the doctor’s office.  They didn’t sing along to the radio this time and Tony leaned his head against the window.  Bruce was tapping his feet, wiggling and trying to talk but the tension in the car wouldn’t break.  Tony was upset and yet he was trying to stay quiet and pretend like he wasn’t.

Bruce went with Ronnie for his therapy and Natasha sat with Tony for a moment.  She wondered if she could handle more ice cream, let this little one eat to his heart’s content, and maybe open up about how he was feeling.  Maybe Pepper already talked to him about it.  Maybe she hadn’t gotten anything out of him.  She decided to suffer another trip to the ice cream parlor, leaving Bruce to focus on his activities and his feelings.

 Tony ordered mint chocolate chip and asked for the small, pink sampling spoons instead of the regular plain white ones.  He took small bites and hummed softly, occasionally looking up at Tasha, who sat with no ice cream across from him and stared.

“I know what you’re thinking.”  He said after another bite.

Natasha raised an eyebrow.  “You do?”

“Yeah, you think you’re fat and so you can’t get any treats.  You’re not that fat and it doesn’t matter anyway because people are pretty no matter what.”  Tony said quickly and nibbled on small pink spoon.

“Wow.  You’re so wrong and yet so sweet at the same time.  Thank you, buddy.”  She said, holding in a laugh.

Tony’s smile was stiff and his shoulders were more slumped than they usually were.  He looked defeated.  Far more worn down than a nine year old had any right to look.  “Do you love me, Tasha?”  He asked.

The question sounded so odd in her ears. Tony’s voice had been flat and the question felt more like a breath of air than an actual sentence.  It made her feel cold and warm at the same time, like that sick feeling just a few days before she gets the flu.

“Of course I love you, Tony.”  Natasha said.  She wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but she didn’t.

“Like how you love Bruce and Clint and Steve?”  Tony said.

Natasha nodded.  “Yes.  You’re one of my boys, Tony.  I love you so much.”

“Yeah.  I thought so.” Tony said slowly, wiggling and stirring his melting ice cream with his spoon.  “I know my mom and dad don’t love me.  They don’t even care, you know.  I always knew that so I’m not that sad. No, I’m sad.  Sorry I lied but it’s okay because I know they don’t.  But Obie said he loved me and I don’t think that was real.  So I just want to know if it’s me. If you really love me.  If you really don’t then that’s okay but I would really like to know.”

Natasha hated being a parent.  Her kids were too young to be asking such sad questions like these.  Her boys were too good and too sweet to be so mistreated by the world.

“Tony, I promise you that I love you with all of my heart.”  Natasha said.

Tony smiled, his face lighting up and he wiggled.  “Thank you.  I just wanted to know.  I would have asked Bucky when we had our important talk but I don’t want it to turn bad, you know.  I don’t want it to be fake and bad.”

“It won’t be.  If he hurts you then I’ll kill him.”  She said.  The threat felt empty.  She would really do it if something like that happened, but she knew that her James would rather die than hurt one of their children.

“Do you mean it?”  Tony asked.  Natasha nodded.  When he reached out, his pinkie outstretched, she thought she was dreaming, but almost instantly his hand pulled back and disappeared under the table.  “Never mind.  I believe you.”  He said softly.

Natasha smiled.  She had to because this still counted as progress in her book.  Tony had forgotten that touches were bad.  For a few seconds at this table, Tony had trusted her enough to not be afraid to outstretch his hand.  She had almost gotten to give him a pinkie promise.  One day he wouldn’t be afraid of her anymore.  He would hold his hand out to her and she would take it.  She would wait patiently for that day and cherish it when it comes.

“I’m done now.”  Tony said and he pushed his bowl away.  There was still plenty of ice cream in his cup, melting into a mint green sea with little chocolate chip boats floating on the surface.

She didn’t ask if Tony loved them back.  Part of her doubted the boy had enough of an understanding of his feelings to know the answer to that.  She would not confuse him or push him for answers.  Her loving her son was all she needed right now, and Tony needed it too.

Bruce and Ronnie were just finishing up by the time they made it back.  The colorful clay was smashed up but also sort of resembled a person in an abstract sense.  Bruce seemed calm though, he had no tension in his tiny body and he smiled up at them when they came in.

Still, on the drive home no one sand along to the radio and they were both sticky from ice cream.  It was probably too late for two boys to take a nap but she felt like they needed it. 

“Bruce, you’re the big brother, right?”  Tony asked, breaking the silence.

Bruce nodded.  “Yeah.”

“So am I the little brother?”  Tony said slowly.

“Yeah, you’re the baby brother and so that means we’re all going to take care of you.  Because you’re the baby.”  Bruce said. 

Tony wiggled and hummed and crossed his arms.  He didn’t argue though.  He just sat there and looked out the window, probably thinking about the day that had started off so good.  Natasha let him, she wasn’t going to force him to be happy and being sad wasn’t always a terrible thing.  He had a family now hovering over him if he needed them.

“So I’m the baby and that means I’m the baby to everyone?”  Tony asked.

“Yes, but only everyone in our family silly.”  Bruce said.

“And you’re all going to take care of me?  Forever?”  Tony said.

Natasha wanted to cut in before they both got set in the idea that this was permanent.  If it was up to her it would be.  There was no way that those people would get Tony back, they hadn’t even cared enough to pretend to be good parents.  They weren’t going to use lawyers and the courts to get him back so she didn’t know why they bothered.  The media didn’t even care anymore, Tony was away from them and they were more focused on Stane’s trial than the failure of the Starks as parents.

“Yes, forever.  We’re you’re family now.”  Bruce said quickly.  “And I’m the big brother.  Clint’s the oldest brother and he says he’s not but he’s really good at it.  And he has a big brother coming soon so maybe we’ll get another bigger brother.  And Steve is older than us and he’s good at it too, but not as fun.  And I’m your big brother. You’re lucky, you get the most big brothers.”

“So, if I’m the little brother than what do I do?”  Tony said.

Bruce shrugged.  “I’m not sure.  I’ve decided to be a big brother with Steve and Clint so you’re the baby brother now.  Figure it out.  You’re smart.”  Bruce said.

Natasha smiled to herself, glancing up in the rearview mirror every few minutes to see her boys as they talked about what kind of brothers they wanted to be.  Bruce and Tony were both only children, they came from families where they were all alone with the people who hurt them, and now they had each other.  Maybe it’ll all work out.  Tony didn’t need to worry about if he’ll be here forever or not, he just had to figure out where he fit into this mess of boys who wanted to be brothers.

It was nap time though.  They had pulled into the driveway and it was still early enough that they could get at least an hour before Jane showed up for the afternoon.  Tony looked tired and Bruce had reached out in a silent plea to be carried.  She set him on her hip and walked into the house, following Tony upstairs and tucking Bruce into bed as Tony wandered off to his room.

“You were so wonderful today.  Thank you.”  She said as she leaned over and kissed his forehead.

He was all tucked in and so she went to Tony’s room.  He was in bed, laid out with his face pressed against the pillows and his blankets pulled up high.  “Good night Tony.  I love you.”  She said from the doorway.

Tony wiggled and rolled over, not pulling his face away from his pillows.  She shut off the light.

“Love you too Tasha.  Go away now.”  He said and then his head disappeared under the blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we focus on the wonders of brotherhood.  
> Thank you for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha thinks too much and worries too much. She does that with every new baby she gets.

 Dinner was awkward.  Natasha sat across from James, looking at him and only him in the restaurant.  Even the murmur of the tables around him didn’t fill the silence that was left behind from their four boys.  It had been a while since they’ve had a date night, since it was just the two of them alone, but after the third time that week Natasha slept on the floor by Tony’s bed and James slept on the couch it was Clint who insisted they go out for the night.

It’s not that Natasha didn’t trust Clint to watch the kids for the night, it was just that she didn’t know how Tony would handle being watched by his older brother without an adult mediator.  She stabbed at her steak, pushing it around instead of actually eating it.

“I’m sure they’re fine.”  She said.

James nodded, popping a forkful into his mouth.  “You could call again if you’re worried.”

“Right.  It would only be the third time this hour.”  She rolled her eyes. 

She wiggled a bit and pushed a strand of hair around her ear.  She just didn’t like being so… powerless.  Being so far from her boys meant she couldn’t be there to keep them safe.  She couldn’t listen to their worries and stroke their hair when they were sad.  Instead she abandoned them for a dinner date with her husband.

“It’s irrational.  Talk me out of it.”  Natasha said.

“Out of calling them?”  James asked.

“Out of going home.”

“Why?”

“Because I miss you.  I haven’t spent time with you alone in so long.  The last time you’ve been between my legs we were interrupted.  I can’t sleep on the floor listening to that boy cry anymore.  I can’t just go running home because I need to know if they’re alright or if they’re panicking.  I need to relax.  With you.  Talk me out of going home.”  Natasha said quickly.  Her head hurt.  Her hand, gripping her fork tight, was shaking.

“They’re not going to fall apart because we’re gone for one day.  I trust Clint to handle them.”  James said.  “I’m scared too.  I’m scared that Steve and Clint will be overwhelmed by those kids, will freak out because it’s too much.  I hate to say it, but they’ve never had an issue babysitting Bruce.  We both know we’re not worried about Bruce.”

Natasha bit her lip and picked up her glass of wine.  It was bitter. She hated wine; she didn’t know why she always tried to drink it.  She downed the glass and then reached for James’.  Wine may be disgusting, but drinking was still drinking.

Tony wasn’t a bad kid.  Recently he had been calmer.  He had been more open to listening to them and didn’t insult or verbally attack them as often.  It was easier than it had been at the beginning, but still difficult.  He was quieter now.  He would pull his hands against his chest and try to fold in on himself to be smaller.  A small thing was harder to touch, it required more effort to reach out to.  Natasha hated seeing Tony try to be smaller than he already was.

She hated that he was afraid of touch.  She was so gentle with her boys.  A soft kiss to the cheek and fingers through their hair as she tucked them into bed, nothing as sinister as Tony always saw it as.  Nothing evil.  She could only ever be gentle to her boys.

Not that it mattered what her intentions were.  It had all become so connected in Tony’s head.  Touches were had become categorized together.  A kiss on the forehead from Natasha was in the same category as a kiss on the lips from Stane.  A mother holding her son’s hand was the same as that man, leading Tony’s hand to a zipper.  She shook her head, wanting to dispel the thoughts.  They made her uncomfortable so she hated thinking about it and remembering.  She didn’t want to talk about it.  If she ignored it then it wasn’t real anymore.

It would do no good, despite their best efforts to ignore it what had happened was still real.  They had all tried to rationalize it as a monster hurting a child.  Reality was that Stane was a grown man, a human being like all of them, with a power fantasy to hurt people with no power at all.  A millionaire getting off on the power he had over a little boy who didn’t know any better.  A little boy who just wanted someone to pay attention and love him because his parents were too busy for something so silly.  Tony wanted love and it never should have backfired on him the way it did.

“We should go home.”  She said.  She wasn’t crying.  ‘’What if he’s scared?”

“You know as well as I do that Clint would keep them safe.”  James said.  He had stopped eating his food a while ago.

“I think I figured it out though.  I was spiraling a bit and wallowing in sadness but I figured it out.  Tony feels powerless.  That’s why he’s scared.  He’s the newest member in a family of people bigger and stronger then him.  He’s so used to the only people he knows either ignoring him entirely or hurting him and we care too much to ignore him.  He felt powerless when it happened before and he feels powerless to stop it from happening again.”  Natasha said.  She wasn’t hungry anymore.  It was so obvious and so exhausting and she pulled out her phone.  She didn’t want to harass them.  She didn’t want to be overbearing and she didn’t want her life to revolve around her boys.  She just had to make sure.

“Hey Ma, having a nice date?”  Clint said when he answered the phone.  He sounded completely calm despite the worry that rattled through Natasha’s head.  He didn’t know how painful it felt to think of why Tony was so aggressively scared of them all.

“Yes, very nice.  Dinner is adequate.  How are the boys?”  She asked.  She knew she was being obvious.

“Well, I let them eat raw cookie dough and they’ve been throwing up for hours so after the house burnt down I just let them just run the streets naked because there was no clean laundry.”  Clint said.  He was so calm as he said it that she almost believed him.  “They’re all fine.  Half asleep on the couch and watching Power Rangers.”

Natasha closed her eyes and tried to visualize it.  Bruce loved that show, he liked the movie, and even though Steve adored it and Clint hated it she wasn’t sure if Tony had ever seen it before.  Still, talking to Clint had calmed the nerves that had been growing since she left the house, but she knew she would start worrying again soon and would have to call again.  She wondered if she really was overbearing.

‘’Let Tony pick what to watch next.  I think he needs a bit of control.”  Natasha said.

Clint snorted.  “Are you kidding?  He’s the one who demanded we watch this.  It’s Steve’s turn next.”  He said.

Natasha felt her shoulders sag a bit.  That was good.  Things were getting better.  All of her boys were having a nice night.  They didn’t feel abandoned.  “And Bruce?”

“He’s loving it.  He and Tony have been talking about whatever Power Rangers Dragon Robot Cult Whatever.  There are a thousand different Power Ranger shows and they know every single one.”  Clint said quickly.  She wished he was there to see him, hug him, let him know that she appreciated him.  “Seriously mom.  We’re all okay.  Enjoy your night.  I know how to handle these weirdos.”

She said her goodbyes and that she loved him before he finally hung up on her.  She didn’t know how to go on from here.  She couldn’t get the idea of Tony out of her head, the scared little boy who just wanted to have a bit of control over things.

“I hover too much.  I worry too much.  And I think it’s best to give them some time alone.”  James said.  He pushed his plate away and wiggled in his seat, reaching his hand out to her.  “Like if you think I don’t spend every moment I’m alone in my head worrying about our family then you’d be surprised.  I’m so scared.  I once cried to Sam about the possibility of having to give Tony back in case we weren’t best for him.  But he doesn’t need us hovering all the time.  He needs space to grow and learn and Clint knows his limits.  He’ll keep an eye out.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to have sex.”  Natasha said.

“I did get a hotel room tonight.”

Natasha laughed.  For now she had forgotten to dwell on those thoughts.  Her two older boys had been so easy.  Little blessings.  The younger ones hadn’t been.  They came to her with so much baggage and so many fears that it was always difficult if she thought about them for too long.  She didn’t want to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t real, she didn’t want to deny what happened to Tony, but she wanted to be happy with her family.  She wanted her boys to be safe and loved.

“Let me just call them one more time and then we can go to the room you got us.”  Natasha said, pulling out her phone as James called a waiter for the check. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James worries a lot too, but he's been hanging out with Sam so he's trying to deal with it.   
> Please comment


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint's a good big brother

Clint decided that they were having a good night.  Natasha hadn’t called in the past two hours and Bucky only texted him a simple ‘goodnight, be good’.  The tv marathon had continued, pizza boxes laid open and empty on the coffee table and empty soda bottles on the ground.  He’ll have to pick up before they get home, but if what he thought was happening then they’ll be gone until morning.

The two little ones were barely keeping their eyes open as they sat on the couch, watching some colorful cartoon that was loud and grating.  Clint took out his hearing aids, listening to the distant fuzzy hum of noises without actually hearing them clearly.  He kept his eye on the boys, making sure Tony and Bruce didn’t get hurt or do anything stupid.  Steve glanced at him, pointing at his ears.  Clint nodded at the unspoken question.

‘Think they’ll just sleep.’  Steve signed to him, hands moving.  They didn’t say a thing and the little ones didn’t take their hazy eyes from the tv.

‘I wish.  Don’t bother them.  Quiet night maybe.’  Clint signed back.

Steve had taken up residence on the chair, legs thrown over the armrests.  Clint was on the edge of the couch, Tony on the other edge, and Bruce tucked between them.  One show turned into another, the boys slouched more and more, and Clint only got two more calls from Tasha before she wished them all a good night and all was silent.

If all nights were this quiet and easy then things would be so much easier.  Clint smiled as he looked out at all of his younger brothers.  Steve did look healthier than he had when Clint first moved in.  He was a bit taller and a bit more weight to him, but he was still young and sick.  He caught Clint staring and stuck his tongue out.  Clint held in a laugh, he didn’t want to be too loud and bother the little ones.

Bruce was the first one to fall asleep, sinking down into the couch and nearly falling off of it.  Bruce came after Clint had, small and quiet.  It took so long to get him to speak to them all and then once he decided they weren’t annoyed he wouldn’t stop.  His small head was always full of ideas. Clint liked Bruce, he was a sweetheart despite it all, despite the history of angry violence he grew up with and his own outbursts that were becoming less and less often.

He waved Steve down, pointing at Bruce sleeping awkwardly on the couch, and signed a ‘please’.  Steve nodded, standing up and stretching before he walked over and shook Bruce’s shoulder.  The boy rubbed his eyes, mouth moving as if he were grumbling, and let Steve pick him up.  Steve was older and definitely a bit bigger than Bruce, but he still struggled with his weight.  Clint would have offered to help but that would have just made Steve mad and Clint really didn’t want to get up right now.  He watched them struggle up the stairs and stretched loosely on the couch, spreading his legs wide and moving closer to the middle now that there was room.  He made sure Tony had space though, he was in no danger of Clint accidentally touching him.

It was quiet now.  Without his hearing aids Clint could barely hear a thing but now there wasn’t even the distant sounds of things just loud enough to get through.  There was nothing but the light of the tv as the bright colors of the cartoons continued.  Tony stared blankly at it.  He looked so tired, so close to falling asleep himself.

“’You should go upstairs and head to bed.”  Clint said, he tried not to be loud but he hoped he hadn’t been too quiet either.

Tony was the newest one.  He was the loudest one, the angriest, and Clint didn’t mind him all that much.  He had seen the kids in the orphanages who were scared and flinched away from hands that came too close.  He knew what kind of awful people filled the world and he knew what they did to the most vulnerable people.  Clint didn’t mind that Tony was so angry.  Sure, it was stressful and it was draining but he was more pissed off at whatever lead up to this.  He was angrier at whoever hurt Tony than he was at how Tony handled being hurt.

Clint didn’t need to be told what happened to Tony. He had been to half a dozen orphanages before he was placed in a home.  He knew just about every bad thing that could happen to a kid and every reaction they could have to it.  He had seen kids like Tony a thousand times.  Clint loved him, he would keep him safe from all that bad stuff from now on.

He nearly flinched when he felt something land on his leg.  Tony’s head, propped up against him as if his thigh was a pillow.  Clint wanted to pull away, respect the boundaries Tony had demanded since he got here, but the boy was fast asleep and arms wrapped around his leg to hold him close.  It was cute and Clint decided he would rather let Tony rest than risk waking him up.  Tony hadn’t been sleeping well lately.

Clint turned the volume down and left the tv on.  The lights from the show was rather soothing, blinking and shifting as the characters went on their adventures and the pink and blue lights made the shadows dance on their faces. Tony looked exhausted.  Clint could judge how well Tony was sleeping by how often Natasha had to sleep on the floor of his room to talk and sing to him when he woke up crying.  Steve would then sleep in Natasha’s room and they would find Buck on the couch.  It made everyone exhausted.

Tony nuzzled his head against the soft cotton of Clint’s pajama pants and wrinkled his nose, but didn’t wake up.  Clint would stay here all night if Tony got a good night’s sleep.  He wasn’t in the best position for it, his head was laying awkwardly on the back cushions of the couch and his body bend in an odd angle from how he had stretched himself out.  It was fine.  Clint didn’t mind any of it at all.

It took a few hours to fall asleep.  He closed his eyes and laid there, watching the lights flash in the room from the tv and somehow he managed to sleep through it.  His head was pounding the next time he opened his eyes, his neck popping as he lifted his head.  His back felt like it was so stiff it would be stuck in that positon forever but he managed to push himself up.  Tony was gone, but the spot on the couch where he had been curled around Clint’s leg was warm.

It was still dark, still late at night and Clint reached for his hearing aids.  He could hear someone in the kitchen and see the dim light from the fridge.  He walked in and found a little boy standing in front of the open fridge door, munching on a string cheese with an assortment of wrappers at his feet.

“Hey little man, if you’re hungry there’s leftover pizza.”  Clint said.  He saw Tony flinch, but he didn’t bat an eye.  Tony flinched a lot.

“Don’t want that.”  Tony said.

“I buy everyone pizza, you hardly eat it, and then I catch you eating snack food.  I see how it is.”  Clint said.  This didn’t bother him either.  Once again Clint had seen this behavior in kids before.  They sneak food.  They eat at night when no one watches and he just wondered how often Tony did this.  He didn’t eat that much at dinner and although he clearly wasn’t as big as a kid his age should be he also wasn’t skin and bones.

“Go away, I’m fine.”  Tony said.

Clint sighed and sat down at the table, waiting and watching as Tony hiked up his shoulder and started stuffing his pockets before shutting the fridge door.  He stood a few feet away from Clint, staring at him and crossing his arms tight over his chest, waiting for him to say or do anything.

“I’m really tired and my head is killing me.  Do you mind if we just go back to bed?”  Clint said.

Tony’s whole body slumped with relief, relaxing and nodded and hurrying out of the kitchen.  This time he was curled up on Steve’s chair, head on the arm rest and watching the tv.  Clint picked up a discarded blanket off of the back of the couch and draped it over him carefully.  They didn’t touch.

“Do you love me?”  Tony asked.

Clint smiled, laying out comfortably on the couch.  “Yeah, you’re my baby brother now.  I think you’re cool.”  He said.

Tony smiled and they both went back to watching tv until they fell asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint's the best big brother and he understands. Hopefully this will help.  
> Please comment.


	15. Chapter 15

They were relaxing in bed, James’ head resting on her chest and the rise and fall of her breathing giving him a sense of peace.  It was like all the built up stress from the past few months were being washed away in this one moment.  It was getting late, they had made it back to the room James had booked and Nat stopped trying to call the kids.  It was just the two of them.

Her fingers were brushing through his hair.  Her touches were always so soft, delicate and easy with him.  It was quiet.  That was the only issue he had.  No one was shouting, there was no sound of playing, no one was angry or tired or demanding attention.

“I miss them.”  He mumbled.

Natasha chuckled, stretching a bit as relaxed further into the bed.  “I do too.”

It was an odd thing but he wished they could always have their kids.  Even with how difficult and stressful things had been he missed it.  He wiggled against her and pressed a kiss to the soft skin of her breasts.  He kissed her again, rolling over onto her and kept trying to feel as much as her warm skin as he could.

“What if we had one?”  James said.

“Had one what?”  Natasha asked.

“A kid.”

“We have four kids.”

James pushed himself up a bit and looked her in the eyes.  “You know what I mean.  Like a baby of our own.  With your eyes and my classic good looks.  Someone we get eighteen full years with and can keep safe and happy.  Someone who has nothing in the world to worry about.”

Natasha gave him a look, her nose pinching up in annoyance but she didn’t stop stroking his hair.  “I happen to like our kids.”

“I love our kids.”

“I think our boys are perfect.  I, for one, am going to spend my whole life loving and caring for them.”

“Don’t.”  He said, lifting his head up off of her chest.  “That’s not what I meant.  You know that.”

“Oh, I know what you meant.  You want a normal kid.  You want someone with your blood and your looks and who isn’t fucked up.”  Natasha said.  She sat up, reaching for her shirt that was laying on the ground.

He reached out to her, squeezing her shoulder and trying to take a slow, deep breath so he didn’t somehow make this worse.  “That’s not what I said.  I’m sorry.”  He said.  He ran his hand slowly over her back and the tense muscles loosened slowly under his touch.  This was supposed to be their quiet night together, just the two of them.

“Do you think they’re fucked up?”  Natasha asked.

“Well, they’re definitely eccentric.”  He said.  James was able to coax her back into bed and leaned against her.  Her heartbeat was slow and calm; she felt warm against him.  He didn’t want her to pull away from him.  “I don’t think they’re fucked up.”

“Please.  Steve’s the most normal one and he’s obviously your favorite.”  Natasha said flatly.

“Is it obvious?”  He asked.

“A little bit.  But I think it’s only because he was our first baby.  And Clint was practically grown when we got him, and Bruce just loves me more.”  Natasha said.  James wiggled against her, fitting between her legs so his torso laid flat against her and her hand returned to his hair.  He was glad they didn’t end up fighting.  “Steve is just your buddy, you know.  He’s stubborn and a know-it-all and you two were attached at the hip for so long.  Remember when he started getting better, he was so sick when we first got him and then he started putting on a bit of weight and he could hold down his food and he was breathing easier.  You took him to Luna Park.  Stupid idea, but he rode around on your shoulders and ate so much cotton candy he threw up all over you.”

James laughed.  He remembered that day so well.  He remembered the smell, the gross and slimy feeling of puke dripping down his neck, and Steve crying.  The boy’s face was red with embarrassment as he stammered an endless mantra of apologies.  It was years ago and James looked back at that day fondly.

“I still don’t think they’re fucked up.  Any of them.”  James said.

“Oh?  All of them?”  She asked.

James nodded, pressing a kiss to her sternum.  She was still so warm against him.  He loved the feeling of having her against him.  She was warm and soft and comfortable.  He loved her.

“They’re all perfect.”  James said.

They should probably talk about it.  They had gotten so close to an actual fight and James wasn’t even sure what he had said that came out so wrong that she had gotten so defensive.  He wanted to blame it all on the lack of sleep, them spending a few nights a week sleeping apart, the stress of everything.  There were so many things putting a strain on them and James wished it would all stop.  He missed being able to be happy with her, just happy and nothing else.

He pressed another kiss to her chest, and another right next to it.  He left a trail of soft kisses over her chest.  Natasha was warm, her hand brushing through his hair and then gripping tight.  They could talk about it later, whatever was bothering them.  Today was their day out together, for them to be happy.  He didn’t want to talk about anything serious right now.  He just wanted to love her.

It was easy, pushing into her and moving slowly.  He felt the rise and fall of her chest as he continued to press his lips against her.  Her hands gripped his hair, pulling him up to her so she could capture his mouth.  She had strong legs, wrapping around his waist to control his movements, pulling him in close and hard.

James wanted to just get lost into the feeling of her, warm and sweet and perfect.  Part of him wished all the stress was gone and it could just be the two of them.  Years ago whenever he brought up the idea of kids she would laugh and promise someday.  She didn’t get mad.  She didn’t misunderstand.  Or maybe it was his fault, he said it wrong.  He wanted a kid like her, perfect and happy.  Someone different.  He pushed in again and again, tucking his head into the crook of her neck as he moved inside of her, and imagined a smiling little kid who wasn’t afraid of them.  He just wanted one child who wasn’t hurt by the whole world.

He bit his lip and held in the grunt as he spilled into her, pushing in deep and pressing so firmly against her he felt like he might melt into her skin.  She was breathing heavily, arms holding him tight and not letting him move an inch.

“It’s late.”  Natasha whispered.  There was a clock on the nightstand that said it was well past midnight.  It was dark outside and the whole room was so quiet despite their heavy breathing.  “Do you think the kids are asleep?”

“Hopefully.  I’m sure they ate too much pizza and stayed up late.  Maybe they’ll be relaxed and quiet when we get home.”  James said.  He doubted it.  The house was never quiet.

It wouldn’t be quiet and part of him wanted to embrace this quiet hotel room for as long as he could before they went back to the chaos of their house.  Another part of him missed the shouting and the excitement.  Bruce would bounce on the couch as he watched cartoons and Clint would laugh as he told him scary stories about robots from space.  Steve would scribble in his notebooks and laugh at the amazement Bruce always had at the robot stories.  He wasn’t sure what Tony would do.

He missed them.  He missed his life before they had four kids and he missed having Natasha all to himself.  He missed sharing a bed with her every night.  He hated sleeping on the couch just as much as he knew Natasha hated sleeping on the floor because Tony had nightmares.  He missed having his wife to himself.  He missed a lot of things but he was trying.

Natasha was half asleep, still holding onto him, and he missed her.  It would be a lie to say Tony wasn’t part of the problem, but he didn’t blame the kid.  He loved that little boy.  He was trying to help him but he missed things being easy.  James pressed one last kiss to her chest before resting his head against her.

He sighed, reaching over to the nightstand to grab his phone and he sent a quick text to Clint.

_‘Everything okay?’_

He didn’t expect a response this late but he hoped for one.  He hoped for some sort of confirmation that all four of his boys were alright without them.  They were perfect, he loved them, and he would try harder to convince his whole damn family that he loved his boys.

_‘We’re good.’_

  James smiled at his phone and put it back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in this chapter we have Natasha and Bucky having a quiet night together and James struggles with how much he misses these quiet moments with her but doesn't know how to talk about how stressed he is with the kids he loves. They'll talk like grown ups one day.


	16. Chapter 16

Everything was just as it should be when they got home. The living room was a mess with empty pizza boxes and half filled cups of soda on the coffee table. James started to pick up the mess left over from last night as Natasha tiptoed up the stairs to check on the boys. It was Saturday. They could sleep in if they wanted.

Steve and Tony were both fast asleep. She smiled at the two of them. Steve was under his pile of blankets but Tony had kicked all of his off at some point during the night. The little boy had stretched out wide, practically laying sideways with one leg thrown off the edge of the bed and his head pressed against the wall. It looked uncomfortable but she left him alone. 

Clint and Bruce were in the same bed, the little one practically laying on top of Clint with knees digging into his stomach and tiny fists laid onto his face. Natasha put a hand over her mouth to not laugh and pulled her phone from her pocket to get a pictures. She was pleased they seemed to have a nice night here alone and that they were all sleeping soundly. Maybe they would sleep for a few hours more and she could make them a nice breakfast.

Natasha wandered back downstairs, smiling at the photos she had gotten and went to show James in the kitchen. He was tense, she could tell by the stiffness in his back and the hardness in his jaw. She didn't know if it was because of their almost fight last night or if his shoulder was bothering him at all. She didn't ask. She was petty and still a little mad at him, but she smiled anyway and showed him her phone.

James laughed. "Those two sleep like rocks." He said before turning back to the dishes.

There was dried pizza sauce that needed to be scraped off of the plates and in a few cups the soda had practically solidified at the bottom of the cup in a stick mess. She didn't understand how things could get so messy in one night but she knew her boys would find a way to do it. She turned and walked back into the living room, intent on letting James finish the dishes before she started breakfast. She folded the blankets that were laid in wrinkled piles in the living room, on the floor and on the couch. 

After a few minutes he came into the living room, soapy water dripping from his hand, and looked up the stairs. A moment passed and Natasha watched as his chest rose with a deep breath and he climbed the first few steps.

"They're all still asleep, leave them alone for now." Natasha said.

James stopped. "I just wanted to check up on them."

"Well, they're alright. No nightmares, no broken bones. They're all just sleeping."

He turned to her, standing on the third step of the stairs and looking down to her on the couch. He was definitely tense. She wondered if it was his arm or not. She should offer to massage it for him.

"I get it. I said something wrong. I don't know how I screwed up last night, but I'm sorry." James said quickly. He shook his wet hand and then reached up to run it through his hair anxiously. He sat down on the stairs, leaning against the bannister and looking over to her. "I don't think they're fucked up. I think they're struggling. Especially our two little ones. I think they're the ones who need help the most, they've been hurt the most, and sometimes I think it's too much for us. It's stressful."

"You think I don't know it's stressful? You think it's all smooth sailing for me?" Natasha asked.

James shook his head. Natasha hated him. She hated how sad and big his eyes could get and how she wanted to walk over to him and hold him close. She hated him. She loved him but she was pretty sure she hated him more.

"I know it's been hard on both of us. I didn't mean it to seem like I didn't love our boys. I just thought a baby of our own would... I don't know." James said slowly.

"Would what? Make things easier somehow?" Natasha said. He shook his head again. "James, remember when we were newly weds? We went to bed every night thinking the rest of our lives would be amazing and that we would have a house full of kids one day. You were always the one who talked about kids. You always brought them up. You wanted babies. I wouldn't have minded them, I just wanted to be with you. Then we got Steve and you were so happy. Even though he was sick you acted like he was the most perfect and precious thing in the world. And then we got Clint and you were happy. He was stubborn and a bit of a mess but you adored him and drove him to school every morning and bought him everything he asked for. And we got little Bruce who was jumpy and angry and he hit you as hard as his tiny fists could half a dozen times that first week and you loved him. You would lift him up and let him ride on your shoulders and curl up between us when he had nightmares. You loved each child we had when we got them and now I don't know what makes this time so different."

"Nat," James said slowly. She hated that look in his eyes. He looked tired. He looked heartbroken. It wasn't fair that he could be so sad when all he ever wanted was a house full of kids. "Tony's different."

"He's really not."

"Yes, he is. He's the only child who split us up. I sleep on the couch half the week and you sleep on the floor of his room because he's scared. And I can't join you because he's terrified of me. He's scared of me, Nat. Sure, he distrusts you but he's scared of me and I can't even blame him for it. I know what he's scared I'll do. I can't be a father to him when he's nervous about being in the same room as me, even when I'm trying to help him." James said.

Natasha sighed, all the strength she had left in her body draining out of her as she slumped back onto the couch. "Do you want to give him back?"

"Not if it means they get him back." James said.

"Then I'm keeping him. He's doing better. He's not as scared as he once was." Natasha said. James raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for clarification. He didn't see it. He didn't see what Natasha had. "Go on up there. He's sleeping with his arms and legs stretched wide to take up his whole bed. He's making himself so big. Little kids who are scared don't try to take up so much space, even when they sleep. Clint told me that once, when he started sharing a room with Bruce."

They looked at himself for a long, quiet moment before James stood up, rolled his shoulders, and climbed the stairs without another word. Natasha watched him go. She couldn't make James and Tony bond. She couldn't make them comfortable around each other, she just had to make sure her family stayed together.

Tony was difficult. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't their fault, it was just the circumstances. Had the bad things not happened to him she wondered what kind of boy he would be, if he would smile wide and freely, reaching up to her for hugs and letting her press a kiss to his forehead. James would love that sweet boy. They just needed time. Tony called her a bitch once. On another occasion he said he loved her. He told her to go away a lot, he still crossed his arms to close himself off from everything, he insulted every meal they tried to make for him, he left snack wrappers in messy piles under his bed, and tonight he had a good, quiet night with his brothers. No signs of a nightmare. No signs of distress. Things were getting easier even if she was the only one to see it.

Or she was seeing things. Maybe Tony was the same as he had been and he won't change. Maybe her whole family was struggling because of this. Maybe she was so focused on making this one little boy comfortable she was neglecting everyone and everything else.

She stood up and walked to the kitchen to start breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They talked! Is anything better yet? Not really. It will be though. You'll see. Natasha and Bucky are both just doubting themselves and they just want their family to be okay. They will be. One day. 
> 
> :)


	17. Chapter 17

 

No one really talked about stuff, Clint noticed.  He could tell that Bucky and Nat were fighting, but they were just mostly quiet to one another.  There was no actual yelling or arguing and it was the quiet sort of fighting that Clint hated the most.  Things never worked out that way.  It was how this family always seemed to work and Clint hated it, even if things ended up okay after a while he would rather not watch these two basically ignore each other from across the kitchen table.

 

He had watched with curiosity as Nat set a plate in front of Bucky without a word.  She pressed a kiss to Clint's forehead when she gave him his food, to Steve's forehead, to Bruce's, and then skipped over Tony's.  That was normal, no one was supposed to touch him, but Clint seemed to notice the way his head tipped up a little bit as Natasha passed him by.  No one talked about that either, no one wanted to explain why they shouldn't touch Tony, they just said he shouldn't.

 

So Clint asked.  He walked into Steve and Tony's room as they two were doing their homework on the floor after dinner and blurted out the questions.

 

"Why can't we touch you?"  He said.  Both of their heads popped up at once with confusion.

 

"What?"  Steve asked.

 

Clint sighed, gesturing to Tony and then lowering himself down to sit on the floor near both of them.  He didn't want to be standing up, looking down at them and demanding answers.  He wanted to be a safe person.  Tony had held his leg when they slept on the couch, he had slept soundly and when he woke up instead of panicking the boy had simply gone to the kitchen for food.

 

"You can."  Tony said.

 

"I can?"  Clint said.

 

Tony nodded.  "Yeah, I just might not like it.  I can't really stop you if you want to, but I would rather you wouldn't."

 

"Oh.  Okay I figured that.  I want to know why you're scared of it.  I have an idea you know, but it's always best when you hear it with real words instead of just letting me assume stuff."  Clint said.  He did feel like he already knew, he had seen kids who acted like Tony.  He knew.

 

"What do you assume?"  Tony said.

 

"You're just gonna make me say it?"  Clint said.  Tony nodded quickly, folding his arms over his chest.  "Well, you were like molested, weren't you?"

 

Steve flinched, his face scrunching up and a shiver going through him as he looked at Tony with wide eyes.  While Clint seemed to have it figured out Steve apparently didn't, even though it was pretty obvious to him.

 

"That's a gross word."  Tony said.

 

"Yeah, it's a gross thing.  A scary thing.  The word works for it."  Clint said.

 

Tony hummed, nodding slightly.  "Yeah, that's what the lawyers said when they were asking me a bunch of questions.  I have to talk to them again because the trial is soon and my parents are suing so I can ask them if that was the right word."  Tony said, putting his pencils down gently on his paper.  "Touches are just bad.  I let Officer Thor carry me to the police car and I let him hold my hand in the police station, and then the nurses and doctors had to look at me but after that I said I didn't want to do it anymore so no one is allowed to touch me.  So that's why, because I said so."

 

"That's a good reason."  Clint said.  It made sense, Tony was hurt and so he made the declaration that no one can do that anymore.  So when people slip up like when Bruce hits him, it would be scary and surprising.  He didn't see why Bucky and Natasha would be fighting about that though.

 

"Why'd you call the cops?"  Steve asked.  He had put down his pencil as well, leaning a bit closer to Tony with a wrinkled nose and his hands tucked under his legs.

 

"I wanted to."  Tony said.

 

"Well, why didn't you call them earlier.  You wouldn't have been touched as much if you called them earlier."  Steve said.

 

Clint almost wanted to yell at him.  He wanted to reach out and shake him for saying something like that.  Tony's face scrunched up and he pulled his shoulders up high and his arms crossed over his chest.  He looked defensive, and rightfully so.

 

"Steve..."  Clint said slowly, getting both of the boy's attention and he shook his head.

 

"I'm just pointing out the obvious.  I'm not saying it's his fault, I just want to know why he didn't call earlier."  Steve said.

 

He probably didn't mean any harm by it.  Steve never wanted to be openly cruel to someone, but it was still the wrong thing to say to the kid.  The conversation was done, he could see that in the stiffness of Tony's body and the pinched expression on his face.  If they tried to ask more questions he might just argue with them, with sharp words and Steve would take the bait for an argument.

 

"Let's all just take a break.  Who wants hot chocolate?  I do.  With whipped cream?"  Clint said, pushing himself back up onto his feet with a tired sigh. 

 

Steve stood to join him but Tony didn't move from his spot.  That was fine.  Clint would be okay with that.  He probably wanted them gone anyway.  They were just asking too many questions and making him think about it too much and Clint didn't want to hurt him like that.  Once they were out in the hallway, door closed behind them, Clint lightly punched Steve in the shoulder.

 

"You're an idiot.  You can't just ask kids that!"  Clint whispered harshly as Steve rubbed his arm.

 

"I didn't mean it bad.  But it's true, he should have called the police when it first started."  Steve said.

 

"He was probably like so young that he didn't know it was bad!  Little kids don't just think 'hey, this thing is bad and illegal and I should alert the authorities'.  Now you're just making it seem like it's his fault for not calling the police."  Clint said.  They took the stairs slowly, Steve's breathing was a bit too heavy today.

 

"Shit, it came out like that?"  Steve said, stopping on the stairs.

 

Clint frowned, looking up at him and nodded.  "Yeah.  Duh."

 

"Well, was I wrong?"  Steve said as they continued their way down.

 

Clint didn't want to answer that.  It didn't matter if he was right or wrong.  Sure, if Tony called the police when it first happened then it would have likely stopped there, but no one knew when it first happened.  Babies couldn't call the police.  Toddlers couldn't.

 

He didn't know Tony's reasons for not telling someone earlier just like they didn't know why he finally did when he did.  Clint didn't want to ask at this point.  Things were bad enough and he didn't want to make them worse by asking.

 

"At least he finally did say something.  He's with us now."  Clint said.

 

Steve nodded quickly.  "Yeah.  And Bucky gave him the number for the police, Tony showed me.  He always has it so he can if he needs to.  He won't have to wait anymore."  Steve said, following close behind Clint into the kitchen.  "Besides, he's with us now.  No one can get him if we have him.  He doesn't have to worry."

 

"I think he'll worry regardless."  Clint said.

 

They had instant packets of cocoa, Clint didn't have the time, patience, or skill to make it homemade.  Instant was just as good in his opinion and if there was any whipped cream left from his nightly snacks of squirting it directly into his mouth then that would be perfect on top.  He turned on the coffee pot to heat up some water even though there was no coffee in it.  The water took a little while to brew, Clint passed the time squirting whipped cream into his mouth and passing it off to Steve.

 

"Too late for coffee, isn't it?"  Natasha asked as she walked in.  She looked tired.  She hadn't been sleeping well.  Clint wondered if it was about whatever fight her and Bucky were having that neither of them were talking about.  Or if she was just not sleeping. 

 

"Hot chocolate."  Steve said.

 

"Oh."  Natasha raised an eyebrow, pinning him with a look and Clint just shrugged.  "Everything okay?"

 

"Yeah, ma.  We just want a treat is all."  Clint said.  He would have Steve send a cup up to Tony as a peace offering and apology.  Tony was getting too skinny anyway.  He would need the sugar and calories or something because he was way too small for an eight year old.

 

He dumped the chocolate powder into a mug and poured the steaming water over it, giving it a quick stir before squirting a large pile of whipped cream on top.  Steve reached for it greedily.

 

"Take it to Tony and say you're sorry and you love him."  Clint said sternly, handing the mug over to him.

 

Steve frowned, slumping his shoulders and nodding.  Natasha gave Clint a questioning look as she stepped to the side to let Steve pass.

 

"Why didn't you tell us what happened to Tony?"  Clint asked.  He had figured it out, but besides the warnings not to touch the little boy at all his parents hadn't said a damn thing. 

 

"It's not your business.  It's up to Tony."  Natasha said.

 

"Steve and I are old enough to understand.  We know what kind of stuff goes on out there in the world.  We know some people are horrible and evil.  We could have prepared better for him.  Helped him more?"  Clint said.  It was an oversight in his opinion.  He appreciated that they wanted to not tell all of Tony's business, but they were even warned not to rough house with Bruce when he first arrived, they had reasons for it, he didn't know why they weren't told why they couldn't just pat Tony on the shoulder or something.  Steve would have known then.  He would know what not to say to the kid.

 

"Well, everyone knows now.  Is he happy about that?"  Natasha said.

 

"He told us."  Clint said.

 

"Did you ask?"  She said.

 

Clint pressed his lips together and crossed his arms.  "I just don't like not knowing things, okay.  I wanted to know why everyone in this damn house is so stressed about everything.  Don't get me wrong, but everyone was doing okay when Tony arrived and I love the kid and I'm glad he's here but I just wanted to understand, really know without a doubt because I had assumed, what had happened to him."

 

Natasha looked at him for a moment, her hands limp at her sides.  "I'm sorry this has been stressful for you.  I never intended to make you all uncomfortable with Tony.  I just wanted him to be safe."  She said. 

 

"I know.  And he is safe.  It just doesn't help if we don't know."  Clint said. 

 

His mouth snapped shut before he could say more.  Steve came back in with a smug smile and pushed himself up on the counter to sit down.

 

"He told me to go to hell, but he took the drink and actually said thank you.  So I think he forgives me.  It was funny.  He actually said, 'thank you, go to hell' and shut the door in my face."  Steve said happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More talking but up next more drama. Maybe some happiness. We'll see.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking. Lots of talking.

Tony looked smaller than usual sitting at that table, feet not even touching the ground as he kicked them back and forth in his seat.  He seemed strangely calm as he faced the two men in front of him, Pepper at his side.  Natasha and James watched from outside.  She felt like she were in the police station again, looking at an interrogation through one way glass.  It was essentially what it was, an interrogation.  Lawyers asking her boy questions.

 

"Hello Tony.  Do you know why we're here?"  Matthew asked after they introduced themselves to the boy.  He seemed like a nice man, willing to work with the CPS office when they needed additional legal help.  Natasha had spoken with him and his associate numerous times over the years.  She trusted him.

 

"Because of Obie?"  Tony asked.

 

"No.  You don't have to worry about that for right now."  Matthew said.  He had his hands crossed in front of him on the table, a soft smile on his face as he talked to the child.  "I just want to know about your parents."

 

Tony's face pinched in confusion, his head tilting to the side but he didn't stop kicking his feet back and forth.  "Why?"

 

"Just so we can make sure you're where you need to be.  So do you mind if we ask a few questions about them?"  He said.  Tony shrugged, his hands tucking under his legs as the man continued.  "What did you think of them?  Were they nice to you?"

 

Tony shrugged again.  "Yeah, I guess.  I didn't see them much.  They were busy."

 

"So you were alone most of the time?"  Matt asked.

 

"Well, Obie sometimes came to get me so I could stay with him for a few days.  Then he would drop me off."  Tony said slowly.  Natasha tried not flinch at the casual way he said the man's name.  "I used to have Jarvis and Ana, but they had to go back to Europe a few months ago for something really important.  They haven't come back yet."

 

"So if you're parents aren't looking after you then where are they?"  The second lawyer asked.

 

"They're home.  They just get mad if I'm too loud or in the way so I don't really see them."  Tony said.  "They're not in trouble, are they Mr. Foggy?"

 

"No, they're not in trouble.  We're just curious on who made you dinner?  Breakfast?"  Foggy said.  He looked down at a piece of paper in front of him and then back up at Tony.  "Do you know what malnourished means?"

 

Tony bit his lip, shaking his head.  His hands slipped out from under his legs, arms going up around his chest.

 

"It means you weren't getting all the vitamins and nutrients you needed in your food.  You weren't very healthy.  Who was feeding you?"  Matt asked.

 

"Obie was.  He cooked all the time when I was there.  He made me sit and eat it too or he would be mad."  Tony said.  He was looking around the room, fidgeting in his seat as his attention moved everywhere except for the two lawyers in front of him.  "Jarvis made sure I ate dinner but he's not here right now.  I usually just find something in the fridge."

 

Foggy wrote that down quickly.  "So you feed yourself?  What did you usually eat?"  He asked.

 

"Whatever.  There's always chips in the pantry and string cheese in the fridge.  I tried to make soup once but I burnt my hand on the stove and mama yelled at me."  Tony said.  His arms tightened around his chest.

 

"Well, it's pretty dangerous to mess with the stove."  Matt said.  Tony bobbed his head up and down.  "That must have hurt.  How was your burn treated?"

 

"Jarvis said to run burns under cold water, so I did."  Tony said.

 

Natasha crossed her arms, running her thumb over the goosebumps on her skin and breathing slow.  He sounded so lonely.  His parents were in that house and they couldn't be bothered to make dinner.  She wondered if that couple just hated their son.  A twisted thought popped into her head that maybe they were trying to kill him, starve him to the point of death and then claim it was all an accident.  Another part of her thought that they had simply not cared.  They were too busy with themselves to think that perhaps the child they brought into the world needed the smallest bit of attention.

 

She looked back at Tony, his arms around his chest and his legs kicking back and forth, his shoulders hunched forward slightly.  She wanted to run in there and hold him, promise he would be loved with her.

 

"You said they would get mad at you a lot.  Was that scary?"  Foggy asked.

 

"No.  They never did anything.  They just yelled and told me to go away.  Obie was scary when he was mad, but he's already gone."  Tony said.  "No one hit me if that's what you're asking.  That would have been bad.  Everyone has such big hands.  But they didn't.  It was okay."

 

The conversation kept going, the lawyers picking apart as much of Tony's home life as they could to build the case against the boy's parents.  He wasn't in school, a tutor came a few days a week.  No one would take Tony to the park to see other children.  No one really spoke to him at home.  The more Tony talked about how lonely he was the more Natasha realized that Stane was really all he had.

 

Tony talked about Jarvis and Ana, though he didn't know where they were and what they were doing they had been parents to him.  Hired and paid to be in that house and tend to it and Tony talked about them baking him a cake for his birthday and making so much food for him.  Then they left and Tony was supposed to figure it out on his own.  A child left at the mercy of others.  Natasha made a mental note to try to figure out where those two went.  Perhaps it would bring Tony some relief to see them again.

 

"What are you thinking?"  James asked.  His hand was hanging limp at his side.  He didn't extend it to touch her.

 

"Tony is such a wonderful boy.  How could people not want to care for him?"  Natasha said.

 

Matt and Foggy had given Tony candy, pouring a small pile onto the table for him to pick through freely.  They asked him questions about his home now.  They asked if he was being fed and Tony laughed and said that they wouldn't stop trying to feed him.  He talked about sharing a room with Steve, who was mean and boring but bad.  Tony had a smile when he talked about Bruce, who insisted that he was the older brother and Tony was the baby.

 

Natasha was pretty, Tony had told them, and talked to him really soft all the time.  Bucky was big, but not a scary big.  Like a teddy bear big which he explained was a good kind of big.  They listened to him, they didn't force the forehead kisses or goodnight hugs on him.  He liked them.  But Tony made Matt, Foggy, and Pepper promise not to tell anyone.

 

Natasha grabbed James' hand, dragging him slowly back to the waiting room in the lobby.  They would be done soon and they could go pick up the kids from home.  They should go to the park, get everyone ice cream, be happy together.  Natasha would be relieved once all the trials were over.  She blamed all this stress and anger on that.  Stane would go to prison and they would all breathe freely, the Starks would not get Tony back and they would all sleep peacefully.  Until then they would have to deal with lawyers and questions and worries. 

 

"I'm sorry."  Natasha said.

 

"For what?"  James asked.  He didn't sound angry or teasing about it, if anything he sounded incredibly tired.

 

"I may have overreacted.  About a few things.  Like when you brought up having a baby."  Natasha said.  She was going to make her point, but she wanted to let her apology seep in for a few more seconds.  She was genuinely sorry, she didn't mean to hurt him in any way.

 

"Yes."  James said slowly, nodding for her to continue.

 

"I've been stressed?  Sad.  Damn tired.  And you have to understand, our first date night in a while and you say you want to have a baby that will be happy and look like us.  It kind of made me feel like you didn't think the kids we had were enough.  We have four kids for fuck's sake."  Natasha said quickly.  Five kids.  The thought of a newborn alongside the full house they had now made her a bit sick.  Even just that thought made her want to rip her hair out.

 

"Tasha... I love those kids.  Don't you dare accuse me of anything less than that."  James said quickly.  Natasha wanted to reach out to him, hold him close.  She didn't want to fight with him about their family.

 

"I love them so much.  I don't want another baby, you can trust me on that.  Our four keep me plenty busy as is.  And these are our kids.  We don't need a kid of our own, these are our children."  Natasha said firmly.  She finally let her hand reach out and squeeze James' hand tightly.  She wouldn't let go.

 

James nodded.  "Okay.  I don't think I can handle a baby either.  They're just tiny and they trust you immediately and...I wanted a kid to trust me."

 

"You have three kids who trust you, loser.  Work on the fourth."  She said.  She pushed up on her toes and kissed him, her heart leaping as the door opened and Tony came skipping out with pockets full of candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tony is talking and he's not quite sure what they want from him, but he's being honest at least. Poor boy just wants people to want him. But he has a nice family now.
> 
> :)


	19. Chapter 19

Clint and Tony were spending a lot of time together, Steve had noticed.  Clint would be sitting on the floor of their room, Tony leaning over his textbooks and explaining some math problem that Clint was confused on.  It didn't quite make sense to Steve, because Clint was older and getting help from some little kid for his homework.

"He's a genius, what do you expect?"  Clint had said when Steve asked.

It didn't stop, because when Tony wasn't explaining math to Clint then they were working on reading assignments.  Tony would sit next to Clint, not touching but almost, and had a book sitting on his lap with his fingers moving over the page.  He was eight years old and needed help reading.  Steve wasn't going to judge, but he shared a room with Tony.  He could help if Tony just asked.

But Tony didn't ask him.  He asked Clint every single time.  Steve wasn't jealous, he should be relieved that he got to study in peace, or he could go hang out with Bruce.  He preferred Bruce anyway, the kid didn't freak out when Steve played tag with him or something.  He grimaced at the thought, guilt pooling in his stomach because it wasn't fair to be annoyed with Tony about that.  Not after what Clint said had happened to him.

He glanced up at the two of them then.  Tony was mostly reading on his own slowly but occasionally pointing at a word he was stumbling on to get help from Clint.  Steve could totally do that.  Why didn't Tony want his help?

Steve closed his own books and climbed off of his bed, making his way down stairs to where Bruce was watching cartoons.  He slumped down onto the couch, folding his legs under him and continued to read.  The cartoons were loud and surprisingly enough it wasn't distracting, but mostly a calming background noise.

"Are you okay?"  Bruce asked after a moment, turning to look at him.  "You're breathing heavy.  Should I get Bucky?  They have your breathing machine ready if you need it."

"No, I don't need it."  Steve said.  "I'm not sick, I'm just mad."

Bruce turned away from the tv completely, scooting around to face Steve with raised eyebrows.  "Mad?  About what?  Did someone at school say something again?  We should tell Bucky."

"No, no one said anything.  School is fine."  Steve said.  He tried to keep his eyes on his book but Bruce was staring at him, leaning in close with wide eyes.  "What?"

"I just want to make sure you're not dying.  You don't sound good."  Bruce said.

"I'm fine.  Really."  Steve said firmly.  Bruce didn't stop, he just leaned in closer to listen to the normal rattle of Steve's bad lungs.  They felt fine, they didn't hurt today and if he was breathing a bit heavier he would just blame the walk down the stairs.  "You're friends with Tony, right?  Like best friends with him."

"Yeah.  He's my baby brother.  And we both see Miss Jane every day so we have lessons together and we play together."  Bruce said.

"Does he ever mention me?  Like maybe he hates me or something."  Steve said.

Bruce tilted his head to the side with a look of confusion.  His eyes were scrunched up and his nose wrinkled.  "No, he never mentions you at all."

"Ever?"  Steve asked.  Bruce shook his head.  "Oh, not even to talk about us sharing a room?  Really?  I don't know if him completely ignoring me is better or worse than him hating me."

It didn't seem fair.  Steve was trying to be nice, had been since Tony arrived, and yet the boy didn't care about him at all.  Maybe it was his fault because he was getting along with Clint, was best friends with Bruce and Rhodey, he loved Natasha, and wasn't overly scared of Bucky.  Tony was doing better with everyone, and yet Steve didn't know why nothing changed with him.

It was getting late, they were all finished with their homework and Bruce and Tony sat next to each other to watch cartoons before bed.  Steve sat on the chair, watching but also trying not to watch the two of them.  Maybe it was for the best.  He didn't want Tony to like him anyway.  He was annoying and moody and had invaded his room.  But he was probably going to stay.  Bucky and Natasha wanted to keep him it seemed and he was getting along okay with Clint and Bruce.  Part of Steve hoped Tony's parents would want him back for real and then he could go, but he knew it wasn't going to happen.  They were keeping him.  Steve wanted Tony to like him more.  It would be better that way.

It was Friday night, they were allowed to stay up a bit longer than usual but when Tony's eyes started to droop and he wandered upstairs to go to sleep Steve had followed.  Tony was swaying a bit on his feet and rubbing his eyes and he didn’t even look back at Steve as they went back to their room.  Tony hated touches but he had no shame in slipping off his clothes and tossing them to the ground.  He didn’t even notice Steve was there it seemed, he just put on his pajamas and climbed into bed and waited.

Natasha would come soon to tuck them in.  She always came, even when they were staying up late and she was exhausted from the day.  Steve sat up in bed and waited.  She came not long after, her robe wrapped tight around her and she went to Steve’s bed first, pressing a kiss to his forehead and tucking the covers up to his chin.

“How are you feeling?”  She asked softly.

“Fine.  Chest feels kinda tight.  But nothing serious.”  Steve said.  Natasha raised an eyebrow.  He shook his head, he didn’t need the machine today.  He didn’t need to wear the mask that gave him air and medicine to breathe in while he slept.  He hated that thing.

“Promise?”  She said.

“I promise.”  He said.

She moved on to Tony, smiling down at him as she helped him wiggle under the blankets.  Her hands always hovered, never getting too close.  She was whispering to him softly about stuff, smiling warmly, and Steve saw Tony’s head lift off the pillow a little bit but Natasha didn’t bend down to kiss his head like she did with everyone else.  She turned to leave, wishing them both a good night and saying she loved them both.

Then the light was off and the room was dark.  Tony had a nightlight, a soft blue light on his corner of the room.  Steve watched that part of the room, seeing the dark form of the little boy on his bed, tossing and turning for a while until he must have fallen asleep.  He wasn’t jealous.  They shared a room and Tony didn’t even say good night to him.

Steve fell asleep at some point, waking up hours later to the sound of Tony’s soft whispering and whimpering in fear.  Guilt made him feel gross.  He had hated Tony, hated how he couldn’t sleep on these bad nights when his nightmares came and Steve had to listen to him cry.  He didn’t know about what happened, about the gross stuff the bad man did to him.  Steve sat up in bed and yawned.  Maybe Tony was dreaming about it.  Maybe he was stuck with that man inside his head.

Steve stood up and walked up to Tony’s bed, half tempted to reach out and shake him away but Tony wouldn’t want to be touched.  “Hey, Tony.  Wake up now.”  Steve mumbled.  “Tony, hey, you can wake up.  Your big brother is here.”

Tony didn’t wake up yet.  He just had his hands curled into his hair and he was whispering something so soft Steve couldn’t hear.  He sounded scare.  He sounded like he might be getting hurt in his dreams and Steve was so tempted to shake him awake.  That would be mean.  Steve didn’t want to be mean to Tony, he wanted to fix whatever relationship they had so the boy would like him.

It took some work.  It was like Tony didn’t want to wake up and so Steve kept talking to him until the whining and whispering stopped and the crying started.  Tony sat up straight in bed and wrapped his arms tight around his chest.  He looked so small, shaking and crying and when Steve usually wasn’t here when Tony finally woke up.  He would usually have gotten Tasha by now and she would be laying on the floor near him.  Steve never stayed for this long, but he wanted to help.  Tony was his brother, he wanted to be the one to help him.

“See, you’re awake now.  Isn’t that better?”  Steve said.

Tony was crying, rubbing his eyes and shaking.  He pulled his legs up against himself and tried to hide his face.  All Tony did was cry loudly and Steve grimaced.  Maybe he should have gotten Tasha.  He didn’t know what to do to get Tony to stop because he didn’t seem to respond to a single thing he ever said.

‘You’re awake now.  You’re here with me in our room.  You’re not with him anymore, no one is touching you.” Steve said, just loudly enough to be heard over the crying.

“Nat?”  Tony whispered.

Steve frowned and shook his head.  “No.  It’s Steve.  I’m going to handle you tonight.”

“Oh.”  Tony said softly.  He was rubbing his eyes and he was still sniffling like if he was still crying.  Steve wanted him to stop.  “Why?”

Steve shrugged.  Tony was curled up tightly and he wouldn’t lift up his face to look around.  He was still shaking so much and his shadow seemed so big against the wall from the nightlight.  Tony was such a small boy and his trembling shadow was stretched out over the wall of their room.

Steve didn’t know what to say to him.  That he was jealous?  That he wanted Tony to like him as much as he liked Clint and Bruce?  It was such a stupid reason and Tony was crying so much his voice cracked.  He should have gotten Natasha.  He shouldn’t have changed anything.  He just wanted Tony to like him.  He didn’t need Natasha for a nightmare.  Steve was an older brother too, he could handle it.

“Where is she?”  Tony whispered.

“Well, she sleeps on the floor in here so much it would be nice to give her a break.  She doesn’t like having to sleep apart from Bucky.”  Steve said quickly.  Tony didn’t need her every time.  He could handle this.  “Let’s let her have a nice, quiet night.  I can handle it.  Do you want to talk about your dream?  Or I could make you a snack?”

Tony didn’t answer.  He just laid back down on the bed and curled up tight as he hid under the blankets.  His crying was a lot quieter now so Steve guessed that was good.  Tony knew he was here to look out for him.  He sat down on the ground near the bed and hummed so Tony knew he was still there if he wanted to ask for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. So Steve wants Tony's attention too. He wants to be his friend. Hopefully he doesn't accidentally make things worse with good intentions.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Steve didn’t know what he was doing wrong.  He tried to talk to Tony, tried to sing him the songs that Nat always sang, he tried to tell him stories, tried to tell jokes.  Steve tried so many things to get Tony to stop hiding his head under the covers and stop crying.  Nothing was working.

It had been an hour since Tony had woken up and Steve was starting to wonder if the little boy would ever run out of tears.  He kept whispering under his breath, words he didn’t have good enough ears to hear properly.  Steve’s chest started to feel tight and his heart was beating fast and it was Tony’s fault, why couldn’t he just let Steve try to help him.

“Come on out Tony.  We can go downstairs and make cocoa.  We can eat the leftover pizza before Clint does.  Trust me, I’m your big brother, let me help.”  Steve said.  He sat cross legged on the floor where Natasha would always sleep with her pillow and blankets, there as a constant source of comfort for Tony.  Steve could do this for one night.  He could handle it.

Tony still didn’t poke his head out.  He rolled over under the covers so he was facing Steve, limbs moving under the blankets.  He could imagine Tony crying, wiping his eyes and sniffling his nose.  Steve stood up and puffed a sigh of annoyance.  He was trying.  He walked up to the bed and looked down at the lump under the blankets.

“Tony please.  I don’t know all the words to Tasha’s Russian songs.  I know some Irish songs if you want that instead.” Steve said.  He tried to imagine how scared Tony was, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around what it was like to have bad things like that happen, but hadn’t they all proven they were trustworthy?  The only person Steve could imagine being scared of was Bruce when he had his outbursts, but Bruce was so tiny and they had gotten so rare it didn’t matter.  “Please, Tony.  I’m trying to be nicer to you.”

“I want Nat.”  Tony whispered.  He was so quiet and his voice was shaky but Steve heard him.

“Can’t we leave her alone for tonight?  I want to help you.  Please just let me.”  Steve said firmly.  Tony went back to crying, not answering Steve.  “Fine, I’ll go get her.”

He left the room, leaving the door cracked open a small bit.  He ducked his head in defeat as he walked down the hall.  Maybe it was the wrong time to prove his trustworthiness as a good brother.  Tony might just be too scared and this wasn’t how these bad nights usually went.  Tony needed consistency.  Steve should hit himself for being so stupid.

When things settle down tomorrow, he could try again.  Maybe just talking to him that time instead of trying to talk him through the fear of a bad dream.

He pushed open the door to his parent’s room, seeing the two of them cuddling on their large bed and sleeping soundly.  He once again felt guilty about waking them up because he wasn’t good enough to help Tony just yet.  They both had seemed so tired and stressed the past few days but now he had to wake them up again.

“Tasha?  Hey, Tasha?”  Steve whispered.  He wasn’t supposed to shake them awake, they were both in the army for a little while; they didn’t like it if they were shaken awake.  It scared them.

Steve called her name again and then Natasha’s head popped up, eyes wide open.  “What is it?”  She said softly.

“I’m sorry.  Tony’s awake and crying, he has been for a while. I tried to talk to him but he doesn’t want me, he wants you.”  Steve said.

Natasha’s shoulders slumped a bit and Steve knew she wasn’t happy.  She stood up and stretched, bending down to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips and then she kissed Steve’s forehead as she passed by.  Instead of climbing into their bed like he would usually do he turned on his heel to follow her, Bucky watching him go with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry.  He was just really scared.  I tried singing to him and talking to him, but he really wanted you.”  Steve said.

Natasha smiled down at him as they came to his bedroom door, reaching out to ruffle his hair as she pushed it open the rest of the way and paused.  Tony wasn’t there anymore.  His blankets were thrown off the bed and there wasn’t a sign of him.  They stepped inside, calling his name softly as they got on their hands and knees to check under the beds, in the closets, and in every small corner he could be hiding in.  Tony wasn’t in the room anymore.

“What’s going on?”  Bucky asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Tony must have run off to hide.  You check up here, I’ll check downstairs.”  Natasha said and she jumped to her feet to quickly head for the stairs.

Steve went after her, hurrying to keep up with her pace and taking the steps two at a time to get down there.  She went to the door first, but it was still locked tight.  Natasha went to the couches, looking behind them, looking in the closets, looking in the bathroom off to the side.  She almost tripped over Steve, who was following behind her with a growing sense of panic, as she moved on to the kitchen.

Tony was standing on a chair, phone pressed against his ear and tears still dripping from his puffy, red eyes.  His eyes widened in terror at the sight of them running into the kitchen.  He looked so scared, his grip on the phone tightening so hard his fingers turned white.  Steve felt like his heart was pounding way too hard and too fast, he felt it beating against his ribs.  Tony had never looked so scared before.

“Uh huh.  Yes please.”  Tony whispered into the phone, his voice was shaking almost as much as the rest of him was.

“Tony, sweetheart, are you alright?”  Natasha asked, stepping closer into the kitchen slowly.

Tony scurried back, climbing onto the counter and sliding across it so his back was to the wall, his knees up against his chest, and the phone tightly in hand.

“Okay.”  Tony whispered.

Steve didn’t know if he was talking to Tasha or whoever he had called.  Tony looked so small curled up there on the counter and he was holding the phone like he was scared they might rip it away from him.  Maybe he was.  Steve didn’t know what might be going through his head but it was likely a lot of bad things based on how scared he was.  Bucky came stumbling in a moment later, his hand landing on Steve’s shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze.

They all stood there for a long moment, staring at each other.  This was Steve’s fault, he knew it was.  He should have gotten Tasha right away but instead he tried to handle it himself.  He wasn’t sure what he did wrong but he knew it was because of him.  Tony hadn’t reacted this badly since that very first week he was here and then he would just hide, not call someone in panic.

Natasha kept trying to talk to Tony and Bucky pulled Steve into the living room to sit down.  Steve needed it.  His chest hurt a lot now, his breathing was fast and shallow.  He shouldn’t have ran down the stairs, not when he was already in a panic and he had been insisting on not doing his breathing treatments.  Bucky rubbed Steve’s back, making him hunch over to try and calm down a bit before things got worse.  He had an inhaler to help with the symptoms and that usually solved things when it got this bad, it usually helped it not get worse.  He used his inhaler, Bucky rubbing his back, and they sat in silence for about ten minutes.

They both lifted their heads at the knock on the door, Bucky patted Steve’s back as he stood up to answer it.  Steve peeked up over the back of the couch, curious on who came this late at night and why.  It couldn’t be good.

“Tony called you, didn’t he?”  Bucky said, he let out a soft sigh as he opened the door and let Miss Pepper in.  She was Tony’s social worker, Steve had only met her a few times when she came to drop him off or check in on him.

“He did.  He was very upset.”  She said.  She had a jacket on but she was also wearing pajama pants, which made her look weird and Steve felt another flare of guilt at the reminder of how late it was.

“He had a nightmare.  A bad one, I think.”  Bucky said.

“He said he wanted me to come get him.” Pepper said.

Steve felt the ache in his chest again as he stood up and followed them towards the kitchen.  Tony was still on the counter, phone pressed against his ear.  He was still crying.  He let out a loud sob at the sight of Pepper and dropped the phone in his hurry to get off the counter and go to her.  He ran to her and grabbed her by the legs, clinging to her as he cried and begged.

“I’m sorry.  I lied, Miss Pepper. I lied.  My parents were nice.  Obie never hurt me.  No one touched me.  I lied.  I want to go home.” Tony said quickly, repeating again and again that he lied and the whole room froze at the words.

He was shaking, his face buried against her fluffy pajama pants and Steve’s fingers gripped tight to Bucky’s night shirt.  Tony wasn’t lying.  He couldn’t be lying.  Not about something as bad as that.

“Tony, what happened?  Can you tell me what happened?”  Pepper said.  She dropped to her knees, her hands almost going to Tony’s shoulders but instead they had dropped to her lap.  Just because Tony had clung to her legs didn’t meant they could just touch him.  Steve knew that much, he had been warned when Tony came.  Don’t touch him, even if he touches you first.  Always ask to touch him and if he says no then he has to listen.

“I lied.  Please.  I lied.  I want to go home.  Please take me home.  They want me now, I can go home.”  Tony said, his voice quick and shaky as he stumbled over the words.

Pepper looked up at them, her questioning eyes going to Natasha and then Bucky, both of them shaking their heads.  Steve gripped Bucky’s shirt tighter when those eyes turned to him.

“Why did you lie?”  Pepper asked. 

Steve wanted to shout at her, Tony hadn’t been lying before.  Clint could tell there was something wrong, he always noticed those things and even though Steve only just found out what it was, Tony hadn’t been okay when he showed up.  He wasn’t lying about that stuff.

“Attention.”  Tony said the word flatly, wiping his nose on his sleeve.  He said it like it didn’t mean anything to him.

“You lied for attention…” Pepper said.  “Why are you saying you lied now?”

Tony shrugged, his arms crossing over and his hands curling into his shirt.  He was fidgeting a lot, his eyes still wide and red.  He looked small and scared and Steve wanted to turn back time. He should have just gotten Natasha right away.

“I want to go home.  I want things to go back to normal.”  Tony whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a chapter. Happy 20th chapter. Boy this chapter was a good time.  
> Now I guess the big questions are whether or not Tony had been lying the whole time or not? Why the change in story now?


	21. Chapter 21

Pepper wanted a few minutes alone with Tony, to talk to him and understand him without their influence.  Natasha told them to help themselves to anything in the fridge and followed James and Steve into the living room.  Steve was close to hysterics, tears rolling down his face and it looked so odd on a boy who rarely cried.  He plopped down on the couch and buried his face in his hands.

 

He was shaking, his breathing heavy and his body trembling.  Natasha tried to help calm him, rubbing slow circles into his back as he sat between her and James.  They held him close, whispering soft affection into his hear.  They loved him and everything would be alright.

 

"I'm sorry.  It's my fault.  I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."  Steve said quickly, pulling his hands back from his face and taking a deep breath.

 

"It's not your fault, sweetheart."  Natasha said.

 

"Yes it is.  I insisted on not getting you.  He woke up scared and crying and I wanted him to trust me like he trusts everyone else.  He doesn't like me like he likes all of you.  I tried talking to him and singing to him but he wanted you and I said no.  I said it would be best to not bother you, make you sleep on the floor."  Steve said.  He was shaking hard, but leaning against them.

 

"Steve, it's not your fault."  Natasha said again.

 

"But he wanted you and I said you would rather stay in bed."  Steve whispered.

 

"It's still not your fault Steve.  Tony has those phone numbers for emergencies like this.  He wasn't doing good, so he called for help.  It's not because of you, it's because of all the scary things he had going on in his head."  James said softly. 

 

"But I made it worse.  It's my fault."  Steve said.

 

Natasha pulled him close and held him tight, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  "Listen, this isn't your fault.  No one is mad at you.  Tony isn't going anywhere and I promise that once things settle down everything will be just fine."  She said softly.  "Though we do have to work on communication.  Why did you want to stay with Tony?"

 

Steve looked so guilty, his facial expression tight and pained and she wanted to ask if he was hurting, if he needed his medications or anything at all.  She reached out and took her hand, relief washing over her knowing she could freely comfort her son when he needed her.

 

"He doesn't like me.  He plays with Bruce.  Clint helps him with my homework.  He always wants you, Tasha. He even likes Bucky now.  But he doesn't even talk to me and I share a room with him.  I don't know why he doesn't like me."  Steve said.  His cheeks reddened with embarrassment.

 

It was almost cute.  Steve wanted his little brother to like him.  She hummed softly and held him a bit tighter.  James gave her a smile.

 

"Buddy, you're not the first kid to struggle with a new sibling.  This isn't even the first time Tony has reached out to someone to say he lied."  James said softy.  "When Tony first found out Stane was arrested he said he lied or didn't mean it.  He said it didn't happen, he said he didn't mind it, he said it wasn't Stane but the boogey man with big scary hands.  This is not your fault, this is just how Tony processes stress, by trying to go back to how it was before."

 

Natasha bit her lip.  It felt wrong to be sharing so much about Tony, but she was partially relieved they were doing it.  Steve hadn't known.  He didn't understand.  Her sweet boy just wanted to be friends with his new brother and didn't know why it wasn't working out how he wanted. Tony was a special boy, he was sweet and precious and if people didn't make an effort to understand him then he wouldn't come off as such.  Steve didn't understand.  He had no reason to.  Natasha loved this boy, her first son, and this was her fault for not helping him understand Tony.

 

"Tony thinks a bit differently.  He's sees the world in a different way than you do.  I'm not going to guess what he's thinking, but once you both calm down maybe you could ask him.  I'm sure if you two talk then you'll both be happy."  Natasha said as her fingers ran through her son's hair.  He had stopped shaking, instead just leaned against her and allowed himself to be held by her and James.  "And darling, you can always come get me.  At any time at night and for any reason.  If you stubbed your toe and don't know what to do then you can get me.  If Tony asks for me then please come get me.  You don't have to do this all by yourself."

 

Steve nodded, wiping his eyes and breathing slowly.  They sat in silence, the two of them sharing a look as they held their boy and wondered how they let things get this far.  Had they missed the signs of Tony's growing discomfort?  His fear?  Had they let sweet Steve say the wrong thing at the wrong time and push Tony just a step too far into panic.  They could hear the boy's quiet whisperings drifting in from the kitchen but they couldn't quite make out the words.  Pepper's voice was strong and gentle, reassuring and safe.

 

She didn't like thinking about it, about Tony pushing himself towards lies because he was afraid, even though the lies wouldn't change a thing.  She desperately wished to reassure Steve, but she refused to mention the piles of evidence that proved Tony's trauma.  The images in Stane's computer, the vivid details Tony had given to police, things no eight year old should ever know about.  Tony may say he had been lying the whole time, but everyone already knows the truth.

 

"What if Tony doesn't stop?  If he keeps saying he lied will they take him away?"  Steve asked, not even lifting his head as he melted into their embraces.  "What if he wants to go to a different family?"

 

Natasha didn't have an answer and James didn't seem to either.  They just held Steve.  Natasha hummed a gentle tune and they waited.  The voices from the kitchen continued.  Even though they couldn't quite hear what was being said the knowledge that Tony was at least talking calmed them.

 

They didn't know how much time had gone by when Pepper and Tony finally walked into the living room.  Tony's face was red, his eyes puffy and his cheeks still wet.  His arms were wrapped tightly around his chest.  Pepper looked down at him with a soft smile and Tony just nodded up at her.

 

"He says he wants to stay here."  Pepper said.  Natasha felt relief flood her and Steve relaxed in her arms.  "But, he also says that he thinks no one wants him, not you guys, not his family, no one but Mr. Stane."

 

"Why would he think that?  Of course we want him!"  James said quickly.

 

Tony flinched, his arms tightening around him and his eyes dropped to his feet.  "You guys don't touch me."  He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

"You didn't want us to, sweetheart."  Natasha said.

 

"Well, yeah."  Tony said, shifting from foot to foot.  "But you guys really didn't do it.  People who don't touch me don't want me.  No one wanted me."

 

"We want you."  Steve said.  "You're my brother, okay.  I'm sorry I'm messing up but please stay."

 

Tony pouted, not looking up at any of them.  "Okay."

 

"Honey, can I hug you?  Is that okay?"  Natasha said.

 

"Not right now."

 

"I'll ask again later, okay?"  Natasha said.  Tony nodded.  She reached down and squeezed Steve's hand, trying to silently reassure him because this was not his fault at all.  "I'll keep asking.  If you genuinely don't want us to touch you then we won't.  I will always ask and tell you exactly what it is and respect your decision.  And you have Pepper's number just in case."

 

Tony smiled, it was small and sad but it was still a smile.  He nodded again.  Natasha wished she could hold this boy, kiss his forehead and tuck him in with promises that everything would be okay.

 

But not right now.  Whenever Tony was ready she would.  She didn't want to waste time wondering about missed opportunities where if she had asked Tony would have said yes.  She would just have to be prepared for those moments when they come in the future.  Pepper crouched down and whispered a few things to Tony, the boy reaching up to rub at his sleepy eyes.  She asked if he needed anything else, if he wanted her to stay, and he insisted he was okay now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, everything is fine. Next chapter is a lot of feelings talking.


	22. Chapter 22

Natasha had decided it was time to fix their mistakes and Bucky couldn't help but agree.  Their first mistake was not sitting down with their boys and explaining to them why Tony was here, why he sometimes thinks and acts in ways they don't understand.  They had left that responsibility to Tony, a secret for him to keep or tell as he pleased but also to face the burdens of his brothers not knowing how to interact him.

 

Natasha asked Tony first, after making him breakfast and making sure he was alright.  None of them had slept very well.  She asked him if it was alright if they explained it to his brothers, to ease confusion so the family could all be on the same page.

 

"Okay.  Yes, please."  Tony said over his waffles.  "I can't answer all the questions.  I don't know. I can't explain it so you do it."

 

Natasha nodded.  "Would you like one of us to sit with you while we talk to them?"  She asked.

 

Bucky hoped he would get to sit with Tony.  He didn't want to be the one to have the talk with the boys, explain to them that for Tony a bad touch  is everything from a hand on the shoulder to so much worse.  He didn't think he could manage the questions, the explanations.  He couldn't explain the reason they hadn't gone to do a new family photo was because Tony might be nervous about the cameras.  He couldn't tell them why.  He knew that once everyone understood and was on the same page then it wouldn't be as hard, but he couldn't be the one to say it.

 

He let out a breath of relief as he sat down next to Tony on the couch in the living room, the boy had gotten a coloring book and opened it up in his lap as Natasha herded the three other boys into the kitchen.  Bucky was supposed to talk to Tony about the three of them.  It was such a sad thing, knowing that they hadn't prepared any of their kids for a new addition.  Warnings not to touch did nothing to help them understand.  It just confused them.

 

"Clint was born in Iowa.  He doesn't talk much about his parents, but he does have an older brother."  Bucky said softly.  Tony glanced up at him and then back down at his picture, crayons were already seeping into the couch cushions.  "After his parents died he and his brother were put in a foster home like this one, but they ran away.  They ended up in an orphanage a few states over and they ran away again.  The pattern continued until they were teenagers.  Barney went to jail for stealing a few cars and Clint into another orphanage, where he had to be removed because he was stealing.  Now he's with us."

 

"Is he going to go to jail?"  Tony asked.

 

Bucky smiled and shook his head.  "No, because Clint doesn't mean it.  He has a disorder that sometimes he can't control the urge to just take things.  He has impulses he can't suppress.  But he's getting help and most of the time it's nothing too valuable.  Not too long ago he just had the urge to take everyone's pens from school.  I thought it was funny."  Bucky said softly.  He didn't like just talking about Clint's personal business to people.  They were usually very strict with their children's privacy, but Clint had said it was okay.  All of their boys wanted to know more about Tony and for Tony to know and understand them in return.  "His brother made parole recently, Clint is going to go see him in a few days.  Any questions?"

 

"Okay."  Tony said slowly, his nose wrinkling in thought as he glanced up from his coloring book to Bucky.  "I can't find my red socks.  Does he have them?"

 

Bucky laughed, shaking his head and threw his arm over the back of the couch.  "I'll ask, but usually if he takes anything from us he tries to sneak it back."

 

"He wouldn't fit my socks anyway."  Tony said.

 

"He wouldn't, but he doesn't really care about what he needs or wants, it just pops into his mind that he has to take something.  It could be anything."  Bucky said. 

 

Tony hummed, nodding slowly as his attention turned back to his pictures.  "What about Steve?"  Tony asked.

 

"Steve was actually our first kid.  He was sick, he needed a lot of care, had to go to a lot of appointments, and so he was difficult to place.  He's thirteen now, but when we first got him he was smaller than you are.  He's a bit older now and he's been getting better.  We've had him for a long time."  Bucky said.  The reminder of younger Steve brought a smile to his face.  Steve as a little kid loved being held.  He always complained about being cold and so when someone held him and carried him he would fall asleep almost instantly.  He was fussy though, stubborn too.  He hated taking his medications and he had refused to stay in bed, even when he was too weak to stand up on his own two legs.

 

"Were his parents nice?"  Tony said.

 

"Yes.  Ask Steve about them sometime, he loves talking about them.  He misses them a lot though."  Bucky said softly.

 

"Are they dead?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Oh." 

 

Tony didn't stop coloring.  It was a picture of a man and a little boy at the park.  Bucky hated it when Tony colored people.  He always drew adults with too big hands, purposefully going outside of the lines to make the hands bigger.  Everything else was always normal, colored in with haste, but an adult always had too big hands.

 

"I already know about Bruce.  His dad is in jail for hitting him."  Tony said.  "Bruce told me.  He asked me why I was scared of touches and I told him because they were bad."

 

"Did Bruce tell you about how we got him?"  Bucky asked.  Tony shrugged and shook his head and continued to color.  "He had to go to the hospital.  The nurses called the police and then Bruce got a case worker just like you got Miss Pepper.  He was scared and quiet for a while, but if he got too scared he got angry and would hit people, so he was given to us because our kids were a bit older and because they had trouble finding a home for him."

 

"So you and Nat take kids no one wants?"  Tony asked.  He gripped a crayon tight and colored a bit too hard, nearly scratching out the little boy's face in the picture.  Bucky really hated it when Tony colored.

 

"I don't like saying it like that.  I like to think of it as us taking in kids who need a bit of extra help.  You're all very special kids and you're all loved and cared for."  Bucky said.  Tony's shoulders had pushed up high and Tony's head ducked down.  Bucky couldn't see his face but he could see the small drop hitting the paper.

 

"But how come no one wants me?"  Tony asked softly.

 

"Can I hug you?  Or at least put a hand on your shoulder?"  Bucky asked.  Tony shook his head quickly.  "That's okay.  I got a secret for you, but your parents are stupid."

 

"What?"  Tony said, his head snapping up in shock and his eyes were red and wide.

 

"Yeah.  Stupid.  Because they didn't even see what a great kid they had and how lucky they were.  So Stupid.  But I'm really smart and Tasha is basically a genius and we love you with all of our hearts.  We want you and we want to keep you forever.  And Miss Jane, you know."  Bucky said.  Tony bobbed his head up and down in a nod and Bucky smiled.  "She's so smart, but she cares about you and wants to teach you, even though she could be making way more money doing something else.  And Officer Thor, he comes to visit sometimes with her.  Because he likes to make sure you're okay."

 

Tony frowned, his nose wrinkling and his arms wrapping around his chest tight.  “And Miss Pepper.”  He said slowly.

 

Bucky smiled wide and nodded.  “And Miss Pepper, who will always come by if you need her.”

 

“I’m sorry I woke everyone up so late.”  Tony said.  He had his arms crossed and he started wiggling, almost rocking himself back and forth as he thought.  “We should make her a thank you card.  To say thank you for her coming over even though she was asleep.  Because I needed her.”

 

“I think that’s a great idea.  And we can give it to her at your next appointment.”  Bucky said.

 

“Will you come with me?”  Tony asked.

 

“Of course.”

 

Tony let his arms drop to his sides, no longer crossed tightly over his chest as he tended to do.  It was nice seeing Tony relax.  He wanted his boy to be feeling better.  Bucky decided to try one more time, holding his hand up in the air and smiling at Tony.  The boy frowned, glaring at the hand before huffing a quick breath.  It was fast, the way Tony’s hand darted out to smack Bucky’s and then he tucked it under his leg as if he had burned it with the touch.

 

Bucky opened his mouth to say something but Tony was already running up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long can I keep the good things going before I get back to the regularly scheduled angst


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I bet you thought you had seen the last of me.

Tony made his card.  It had Pepper on the front, he tried to make her as pretty as he could, but he had to ask Steve for help.  Steve was better at coloring than he was.  Tony picked out the colors, pink for Miss Pepper’s dress, black for her shoes, red and yellow for her hair.  He watched as Steve drew pictures of people and tried to copy.

“Does it look bad?”  Tony asked Steve, holding up the drawing on the front of his ‘thank you’ card.

Steve looked at it for a moment, tilting his head to the side to take it in.  “No, I like it.”

“You’re lying.”  Tony said.

“Well, you’re no Picasso but you’re pictures are better than they were.”  Steve said.

Tony frowned and looked at his drawing again.  He drew Miss Pepper, smiling and happy and pretty.  He even drew himself there too, smiling with her.  He had the kitty calendar in the drawing just like the one she had in the office to show that it was a picture of them during their meetings.  He thought it looked nice, but looking at it made him nervous.

“What’s Picasso?”  Tony asked.

“He was a painter.  Really famous.”  Steve said.  He was drawing too, his pictures actually looked like people, they had faces that were more than two dots for eyes and a line for the mouth, and Steve managed to draw inside the lines.

Tony wrinkled his nose and leaned away from him.  “He sounds stupid.”

“Just because you suck at drawing doesn’t mean those who are good at it are stupid.”  Steve said.

“Shut up!”  Tony said, his voice growing louder.

Steve looked up at him, mouth opened to reply, but he took a breath and stopped.  Tony waited, glaring at him to try and dare him to say whatever it was he was thinking.  Steve didn’t though.  He shook his head and looked back down at his pretty picture.  They had small arguments like that ever since that bad night.  Tony hated them, he thought things were worse now because Steve stopped talking sometimes.  He would look annoyed, even angry sometimes, but never say anything.

Tony looked back down at his drawing.  It was such a bad picture.  He wasn’t good at drawing like Steve was.  Miss Pepper didn’t even look like Pepper in his picture.  It was just a stick lady with red hair and a curly line for a smile.  Pepper was much better in real life.

“Steve, will you help me draw Miss Pepper?”  Tony asked. He crossed his arms, dropping his crayons onto the carpet as he did.

Steve looked back up at him.  “Why?”

“Because I’m not good at drawing.  I want Miss Pepper to have a nice card.  If I draw it then it wouldn’t be nice.”  Tony said.

Steve smiled again, putting his own crayons down and pushing himself up to sit.  This was a nice part, even though their small fights ended in Steve’s tightly closed lips as he avoided saying what he was thinking, the tension always disappeared quickly.

“I think she would like it more if you drew it.”  Steve said.

That wasn’t true, not in Tony’s mind, and he shook his head quickly.  “No, I can’t do it right.  I’m not good at any of it, not at anything.  You draw it!”

“First you ask for help, then you want me to draw it for you?  You just want me to make the whole card.”  Steve said with a soft laugh.

“Please.”

Steve did it again, opening his mouth to say something but then just closing his mouth tight, not uttering a word.  Tony held his drawing tight in his hands, his fingers creasing and bending the edges.  He held it out to Steve, glaring at him, but the older boy didn’t reach out to take it.

“Please, Steve.  I’m not good at it.  She’ll hate it and I really don’t want her to hate it.  I’m not good at these things.  I’m awful.” Tony said.  He kept staring at Steve, his eyes wide and his breathing came fast, his paper crinkled from how tightly he held it.

For a moment Tony thought Steve would say something mean and tell him no.  He thought Steve would call him stupid and his picture ugly but instead Steve grabbed his crayons and scooted closer.

“Fine.  I’ll help you color, but you gotta tell me exactly how you want it.  And you have to write the thank you message on the inside.”  Steve pulled out a new piece of paper and folded it to make the shape of a card.

“I’m not good at writing either, I’m not good at anything, but okay.  I want it to be Miss Pepper in her pretty striped dress.  Her hair in a long ponytail.  Can she smile too?”  Tony said, laying on his stomach next to Steve.  He watched for a moment, supervising the drawing.

Steve drew slowly, smiling to himself as Tony leaned in to tell him that Miss Pepper wears high heels, not flat shoes.  Every time Tony said something about the drawing, Steve made it better for him.  It came out really pretty.  It almost looked like Pepper, but still looked like a child’s drawing.  Tony loved it.  He took it when Steve gave it to him and jumped up to his feet as he looked at it.

“It’s perfect!  She’ll love this one better, you’ll see.”  Tony said.

Steve patted the carpet again, offering Tony a crayon.  “Now you get to write the inside.”

Jane had been helping him with his writing, but Tony didn’t feel like he had gotten any better at all.  He was nervous.  Tony didn’t want to ruin Steve’s perfect card with his shaky writing.  He sat down slowly, laying the card out on the ground and waiting for something to happen. Maybe, if he waited long enough, the words would appear on their own.

“Think about what you want to write.  I can help you with spelling.”  Steve said.  He scooted a bit closer.

Tony wrinkled his nose.  “It should say ‘Thank You, Miss Pepper’ on the front.  So she knows it’s a thank you card.”  He crossed his arms again, staring down at the pretty drawing of Miss Pepper smiling in her office.

“What are you thanking her for?  You can write that on the inside.”  Steve said.

“Um, thank you for putting me with a nice family.  And thank you for always having good candy when I come to your office. And thank you for always being so nice and listening when I talk about stupid things.  I’m sorry I woke you up so late but thank you for coming over when I called.  I’m sorry my parents don’t come to our sessions anymore but thank you for letting me sit in your office anyway.  I’m sorry they’re suing and that makes you sad.  Steve, what does it mean when people are suing?”

Tony’s words came out so fast he was almost out of breath.  He wanted to thank Miss Pepper for so much and he wasn’t sure if it would all fit on the card.  Tony hummed and leaned in close to Steve as if he had just whispered a secret instead of a question.  Pepper was sad and Tony wasn’t entirely sure why.  He didn’t want to put sad things on the card.

“Your parents are suing because… they want you back.  But Pepper and the all the other social workers don’t think they’ll treat you right if you go back so they won’t let them have you.  So your parents got a lawyer to try and make Pepper give you back.”  Steve said.  They were sitting close to one another, staring down at the half finished card.  “Do you want to go back to them?”

“I don’t know.  If my parents really want me back, then yeah.  But if not then no.  I can’t be there if they really don’t want me.  Last time was horrible.”  Tony said.  He took a slow, deep breath, and leaned his weight against Steve.  His arms were wrapped tightly around his chest and he didn’t look up at him, but he leaned against him.  Steve didn’t move, didn’t wrap an arm around his shoulders or mention the fact that Tony had closed the distance between them.

“Well, we want you here.  You don’t have to go.”  Steve said.

“No, you guys don’t.”

“Stop it, yes we do.  You don’t know anything about what we want.  You’re our brother now.  Bruce would be so mad if he had to go back to being the baby brother.”  Steve said.

“I’m older than him.  Technically I’m not the baby.”  Tony said.

“Doesn’t matter.  You’re new, you’re the baby.  Besides, we’ve all gotten used to you.  Even I don’t find you as annoying as I did.  We want you.”  Steve said.

Tony smiled, trying not to laugh at how blunt the conversation was.  Steve was honest, that was the most important part.  That was what mattered.  Steve didn’t think he was annoying anymore.  Steve wanted him.

“Okay.  How about ‘Thank you for helping take care of me’ for Miss Pepper’s card?”  Tony said.  Bucky was going with him to his appointment tomorrow to give it to her.  Tony hoped she liked it.

“It’s your card, thank her for anything you want.  Thank her for everything.”  Steve said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some lovely Steve and Tony bonding as I try to get back into the swing of writing again. More to come. Unless I disappear again in which case forgive me. I'll try not to.


End file.
